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jnoyz - throne of ashes(prod. seriousbeats) lyrics

[verse 1]
i sit on a throne, on a throne made of ash trays
reminders of all of my broken situations
the people i had hurt and the hearts that i’d broken
i never thought that my heart would be ripped open
i never knew that it would come to bite me back
i’m not gonna lie, i shouldn’t be on this track
maybe, i just need to go
separate from others and to be all alone
but i know i can’t do that no matter what i may say
i just don’t know how to make it seem okay
i know, that i am forgiven
but i just work with guilt, hommie, i’m shame-driven
i operate under a fear-based system
i know that there’s something that i’ve been missing, but
i cannot let go
i don’t even know who i am anymore, i sit on
a throne

[chorus]
i sit on a throne
a throne of ashes
the place where old memories never fade

on a throne
a throne of ashes
the place where guilt never burns away
on this throne of ashes

[verse 2]
i got all these problems that are still from my past
it seems like the goal of my life is to last
to see all these memories be put to rest
in my own body, it seems i’m the guest
like i don’t even live in my house i think
cause even if i try, i know that i will sink
into all of the things that i’ve screwed up before
i cannot stand to see myself, close the door
on the pages of my life, that i was in with you
rip all them out, look, i’m telling you to
remove all the good that you think that you see
and you have a picture of what i see inside of me
i cannot believe you are staying around
i don’t really see how you keep taking them rounds
of the bitterness that i have forced you to drink
i just don’t understand how you’re strong when i’m weak

[chorus]

[verse 3]
maybe i just didn’t go far enough in the pain that i caused
i don’t know what i’m saying, i’m demented, oh lord
i enjoyed making life into misery’s home
and now all that i’ve done haunts me till i can’t stand life anymore
i am gone, i just want to end it now
i’m alone, no one seems to hear my cry
no they don’t, or they don’t understand
why i am writing this song, in my head
i live in a painful nightmare, i cannot cry
i am full of fear, i’m terrorized
i try to get out, that’s why you got in
i try to break myself free off of all my sin
but i know that i am free, it’s a mental game
i know he’s won my war, but i’m insane
the devil filled me with his lies, so i still say
i am on a throne made of yesterday

[chorus]

[verse 4]
i sit on this throne and i cannot get up
i think that i am out, but i’m still in my mind
locked in my prison, in my prison cell
the real jnoyz, i cannot hear him, oh well
i cannot hear the cry of the pain that’s all around me
i run my mind like a community, nah
i’m a harsh dictator
you wouldn’t want me to sit in at your dinner table
i shut down all that i do not want to hear
doesn’t that line sound so familiar
i am all evil and i do not have no good
inside of me, he will pay his dues
though he may cry out for help, oh cr-p that is me
satan has lied and said that who he is is me
ah, i finally see
but still need to find a way to be free
from this throne

[chorus]

- jnoyz lyrics

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