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joaquin romaguera - the contest lyrics

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i am adolfo pirelli, da king of da barbers
da barber of kings
e buon giorno, good day, i blow you a kiss
and i da so-famous pirelli
i wish-a to know-a who has-a da nerve-a
to say my elixir is p-ss? who says this?

i do, i am mr. sweeney todd
and i have opened this bottle of pirelli’s elixir
and i say to you, it is nothing but an errant fraud
and furthermore, i have serviced no kings
yet i wager that i can shave a cheek
and pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity
than any street mountebank

you hear zis foolish man? watch and see
how he will regret his folly

will beadle bamford be the judge?
glad as always to oblige
my friends and neighbors
ready? ready, ready
the fastest, smoothest shave is the winner

now, signorini, signori, we mix a da lather
but first a you gather around, signorini, signori
you looking a man who have had a
da glory to shave-a da pope

mr. sweeney, so smart
oh, i beg-a you pardon
call me a lie, was a only a cardinal
nope, it was-a da pope

perhaps, signorini, signori
you like-a i tell-a, da famous-a story
of queen isabella
da queen of-a polan’
whose toot’ was-a swollen

i pull it so nice from her mout’
that-a though to begin
she’s a screaming-a murder
she’s later-a swoon-a with bliss
an’ was heard-a to shout
pull all of ’em out

to shave-a da face, to pull-a da toot’
require da grace and not a da brute
for if-a you a-slip, you nick da skin
you clip-a da chin, you rip-a da lip a bit
and dat’s-a da trut’

to shave-a da face or even a part
widout it-a smart require da heart
it take-a da art, i show you a chart
i study-a starting in my yout’

to cut-a da hair, to trim-a da beard
to make-a da bristle clean like a whistle
dis is from early infancy
da talent give to me by god

it take-a da sk!ll, it take-a da brains
it take-a da will to take-a da pains
it take-a da pace, it take-a da grace
the winner is todd
smooth as a baby’s -rs-

and now who’s for a tooth pulling
free without charge
me, sir, me, sir, who else? no one?

then sir, since there is no means
to test the second sk!ll
i claim the victory

wait, one moment, wait
you, boy, get on that chair
me, signor? oh, not a tooth, sir
i beg of you, i ain’t got a twinge
not the tiniest pain, i

you do now
we see who is zee victor now
ready? ready, ready

to pull-a da toot’ widout-a da sk!ll
can damage da root
now hold-a da still an’ if-a you slip
you grip a bit, you hit da pit of it

or chip-a da tip and have-a to fill
to pull-a da toot’ widout-a da grace
you leave-a da sp-ce all over da place
you try to erase widout-a da trace

sometimes is da case you even-a k!ll
to hold-a da clamp widout-a da cramp
wid all dat saliva, it could-a drive-a you crazy

don’ mutter or back-a you go to da gutter
my touch is as light as a b-tter-a cup
i take-a da pains, i learn-a da art
i use-a da brains, i give-a da heart
i have-a da grace, i win-a da race

i give-a da up

- joaquin romaguera lyrics

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