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joe clarkson - deathbed lyrics

(verse)
tired of playing games between my mind and my brain
the two cannot communicate it’s driving me insane
my war with mental health hit me like a f-cking train
i lost the will to live, time ago‚ i been slain
too much sh-t is wrong with me‚ ain’t n-body staying
in my life‚ that’s for sure, calculated games be playing
what the f-ck is loyalty anymore that’s what i’m saying
i don’t mean sh-t, i wanna be laying

(chorus)
in my deathbed motherf-cker that’s where my peace is at
this beat is cold sh-t‚ way out of my habitat
nothing wrong with difference tho, people just don’t get that
switching up my sh-t so people don’t know what to expect and
still they find a way to wave your self-esteem goodbye
any means necessary that’s the battlecry
it’s sad f-cking sh-t but they’ll do anything to try
they ruin other people’s happiness to make em satisfied

(verse)
i walked on bridges and my head said jump the rail
my heart said to me through the darkness you’ll prevail
i look back at my life and see nothing but a fail
everything apart from people ‘round me feels so f-cking stale
i’ve had enough, all the sh-t‚ thrown at me everyday
the crisis, never-ending it won’t go away
no matter how hard i try people still want me to stay
i never understand why, all i bring is dismay

(verse)
never got to grips with life f-cking up my mental state
i’m still single 2019, n-body wants to date
not even surprised though i wanna go and seal my fate
six foot in the ground n-body should reciprocate
can’t even go out in heat, b-tch i’m a night hawk
if you have an issue with me sit down and let’s talk
nothing better for me than a calming 3 o’clock walk
writing’s on the wall yet all you ever do is gawk

(verse)
chronic urticaria, anxiety depression sh-t
tachypnea insomnia, don’t wanna live one bit
constant suicidal thoughts, cancer scares still f-cking hit
i’ve got so many problems and that isn’t all of it
i can’t hide my emotions anymore not even lying
my heart is physically and psychologically dying
f-ck this sh-t i’m writing this song f-cking crying
i just wanna be okay unless i go to heaven flying

(chorus)
in my deathbed motherf-cker that’s where my peace is at
this beat is cold sh-t, way out of my habitat
nothing wrong with difference tho, people just don’t get that
switching up my sh-t so people don’t know what to expect and
still they find a way to wave your self-esteem goodbye
any means necessary that’s the battlecry
it’s sad f-cking sh-t but they’ll do anything to try
they ruin other people’s happiness to make em satisfied

(bridge)
deathbed, deathbed that’s where i wanna be
away from the suffering constantly thrown at me
once i’m gone, the pain and sh-t will be free
no more pain goin’ through my veins i’m hollow like a tree
no more feelings and emotions to show
why can’t people understand that i just wanna go
i’m trapped inside my mind, been dealt a painful low blow
f-ck the man that wronged me, i feel so f-cking low

- joe clarkson lyrics

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