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joe hawley - hoodz 'n the woodz lyrics

(alex)
gee, i’m a wizard, and here is my cloak
‘walk around in the woods, make’ me feel like the pope

just cruisin’ with the breeze on a cloudy day
in only a cloak, what can i say?

making all the witches want to come and play
’cause my cloak is so fly and i wear it for days, hey, uh

i’m just walkin’ down the path
smellin’ the sweet gr-ss, all the witches say i’m like the flash

in my cloak; so fast
i might go for a soak in my cloak, ’cause it’s waterproof

got a hood on it too, which is honestly just
incredibly convenient

lo and behold, there goes an old crone;
hey old crone, how are your old bones?

(“why do you look so lackadaisical
wand’rin’ around in your great big cloak?”)

i’m too dressed to be stressed in my great big cloak

(“but what is a wizard without a quest?
what’s the point of even living without a quest?”)

lo and behold, a gnome and bridge trolls
h-llo gnome; h-llo you bridge trolls

(“just as we gnomes must sit all day
a wizard must quest his life away.”)

am i a wizard without a quest?

(“just as we trolls must guard the way
a wizard never rests and never plays.”)

tell me am i not a wizard without a quest?

i’ve gone so far, i’m so astray
i really can’t afford delay
and even though it pains me so
i need a quest; it’s what i owe

but i’ve searched for quests, looked high and low…
i need to call my old friend joe
(pick up… come on, pick up…)

(joe)
h-llo?

(alex)
joe!

(joe)
yo, you need a quest?

(alex)
however did you know?

(joe)
alex, do not vex;
variety garden pressure from crones, gnomes, and trolls
can make one sicker in the gully than stoned micks in rolls

first off, hats off to your tenacity
in the face of one ambivalent queen’s rhapsody
but isn’t there a dragon, a basilisk or boss?
a plague of the land or a scourge of special sauce?

(alex)
i was at a crossroad trollin’ the wood feelin’ dope
in my clo’

(joe)
o, you have the goods!
but wizards can be perfectly apt without quests
sometimes we never know what’s best left to test

(alex)
what if this angst is too legit, and i’th quit
or what of a destiny left best to sit?
where are those heroes about whom homer spoke
‘fore posers took adventure for some brand of joke?

(joe)
into this world we’re thrown…

(ryan)
joseph? joey-joe?

(joe)
hm, i can’t answer every question for you
but if you’re yearning for a journey here’s what you can do:

tell the bridge trolls you’ve a bigger brother;
they should let you p-ss to eat the other
now the paths before you split into infinity
find the one with the mark of the trinity

(ryan)
something bit me and i’m leaking body fluids; this hurts…

(joe)
sweet, that’s street cred with the druids;
stealth walk through their sacred neighborhoods
on the skirts of mr. robin’s hundred acre wood
climb the redwood taller than the tower
half its leaves are really paneled solar power
there’s a branch at the top that pulls to drop a tunnel;
cross your arms and brace yo’self to funnel
to a secret room beneath the treetown sound
strike a match and fall onto the ground;
duck under the bed or alarms shall crescendo!

(ryan)
k; what’s in the box?

(joe)
it’s a nintendo

- joe hawley lyrics

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