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joe iconis - the play lyrics

[mr. reyes, spoken]
places for scene two! people, remember: once puck gives you the pansy serum, you have to really sell that you’re transforming into a zombie. excellent work, ms. valentine

[jeremy, spoken]
excellent? but chloe’s terrible, she never remembers her-
mr. reyes? you can’t let anyone drink from that beaker!

[mr reyes, spoken]
don’t be silly! it’s more than safe! i should know, i tried it myself

[squip, spoken]
up, up, down, down, left, right, a

[jeremy, spoken]
i have to get out there!

[mr reyes, spoken]
i can’t let you do that, jeremy

[jeremy, spoken]
mr. reyes?

[mr reyes, spoken]
you needy, pathetic, self-centered students!
you think i wanted to teach high school drama? in new jersey?
my squip says i can go all the way to broadway!
i just have to keep you from ruining my big night!

[jeremy, spoken]
you’re going to squip the whole cast!

[squip, spoken]
that’s just for starters!

[jeremy, spoken]
that’s not what i wanted!

[squip, spoken]
it’s the only way to achieve what you want!

[jeremy, spoken]
i’ll fight back! alcohol messes you up, right? i’ll get drunk!

[squip, spoken]
and i’ll be back when you’re sober! unless you plan on staying wasted forever?

[jeremy, spoken]
you’re a computer, there has to be a way to turn you off

[squip, spoken]
i would stop there. you don’t want to end up like rich

[jeremy, spoken]
rich? what did he-?

[rich, echoed]
i need mountain dew red!

[jeremy, spoken]
that’s it! green mountain dew activates you, red shuts you off!

[squip, spoken]
why do you think we had it discontinued? to get rid of me now, you’d need a time machine to the 1990’s!

[jeremy, spoken]
or a friend who’s so old-school he buys 90’s soft drinks from the back room at spencer’s gifts!

[squip, spoken]
*gasp* too bad you don’t have one of those… anymore

[jeremy, spoken]
michael! call michael!

[squip, spoken]
i’m going to improve your life, jeremy, if i have to take over the entire student body to do it!

[michael]
michael makes an entrance! (haha)

[jeremy, spoken]
michael!

[michael, spoken]
i was just in the audience, thinking “this is pretty good for a school play!”
then i was like… “this is way too good for a school play!!!!” they’ve all been squipped, right?

[jeremy, spoken]
w-w-wait, you came to see me in the play?

[michael, spoken]
even brought my own refreshments!

[ensemble]
ah ah ah ah ah ah!

[jeremy, spoken]
is that?!

[michael, spoken]
mountain dew red! told you i did my research! oh, hey, jake? this is gonna sound weird, but if i hold down jeremy, can you make him drink this mountain dew red?

[jake, spoken]
actually, that doesn’t sound weird at all

[squip, spoken]
up, up, down, down, left, right, a

[jake, spoken]
ow!

[squip, spoken]
ha ha ha

[jake]
i was already pretty boss before
now i’m totally boss and then some more!
i’m livin’ the upgrade!

[chloe and brooke]
there you are, jeremy

la la la la la
la la la la la
la la la la la la la la

[brooke, spoken]
i just want you to know i’m not mad that you broke my heart and then slept with my best friend

[chloe, spoken]
and i’m not mad you dated my best friend and wouldn’t sleep with me

[brooke, spoken]
he didn’t sleep with you?

[chloe, spoken]
no

[brooke, spoken]
he didn’t sleep with me!

[chloe, spoken]
no!

[both, spoken]
oh my god, why was i so jealous of you? *gasp* you were jealous of me? that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me! sisters forever! jinx!

[michael, spoken]
ugh…

[jeremy, spoken]
michael, the bottle! there’s still a few drops left!

[michael, spoken]
how am i supposed to get past them?

[jeremy, spoken]
apocalypse of the d-mned! level nine!

[both, spoken]
the cafetorium!

[michael, spoken]
got it!

[both]
find the bad guy, push ’em aside
then move on forward with your friend at your side!
it’s a two player game, so when they make an attack
you know you got a brother gonna have your back!
then you stay on track and- ah!- remain on course
and if they give you a smack you- gah!- you use your force
and if you leave your brother behind that’s lame
’cause it’s an effed up world but it’s a two player game!
hey!

[jenna rolan, spoken]
i know what you’re doing, michael
i know what everyone’s doing! all the time!

[the cast of the play, spoken]
i just feel soooo connected to you guys right now!

[squip, spoken]
ah! you don’t want to drink that, jeremy!

[jeremy, spoken]
why not?

[squip, spoken]
because then you’ll never be with her!

[christine]
you are the person i want to be with every day
and this is something that i’ve been afraid to say

[jeremy, spoken]
that is not christine

[squip, spoken]
i -ssure you, it is! only her fears and insecurities have been removed!

[christine & ensemble]
you’re the guy i am so kinda into (into)
the guy i am totally into (into)
this feeling is new
jeremy
i love you

[squip, spoken]
that’s your cue!

[jeremy, spoken]
she’ll do whatever i want!

[squip, spoken]
that’s what i promised!

[jeremy, spoken]
great. drink this

[squip, spoken]
wait-

[christine]
ah!

[all]
ah!

[squip, spoken]
jeremy!
j-je-jeremy?
jere-re
ah
woah
ah
woah
ah
woah
woah!
jeremy!
jere-
ah!

- joe iconis lyrics

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