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john mulaney - going up lyrics

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[robbie the doorman, spoken]
‘scuse me, wait! dammit kid! you pushed my b-ttons!
you literally pushed every elevator b-tton!

[robbie]
awful lot of sp-nk
what a little punk
hits every godd-mn floor, runs out the door
i knew that that kid stunk
from one look at birth, i knew this day would come
now he’s a hoodlum!

[donna, spoken]
going down?

[robbie]
we are going up

[donna, spoken]
are you certain?

[robbie]
yup!
adam klein, that pr-ck pulled a little trick

[donna]
ugh! when will he grow up?

[robbie]
kids like that don’t grow up, no!
they shoot up and die!

[donna]
man, you’re an angry guy!

[robbie]
i know
all i ever wanted was to not be a doorman
maybe play for the yankees, or be wealthy in general

[donna]
but we don’t what we want, so we must love what we get

[robbie]
would you like to go out socially?

[joe, spoken]
uh, down?

[all]
no, we’re going up!
some (bleep) kid pushed every floor
but come and ride because it’s merrier with more
yes, we’re going up
up to the penthouse in the sky
all ’cause little adam klein’s a sh-tty guy!
yes, we’re going up!

[joe, spoken]
moving?

[donna]
moving, so to speak
not to be oblique
but the truth is i lived somewhere else, it’s unique
’til today, i was lately a home-wrecking sneak!
it was pretty bleak

[man] going down?
[donna] ha, there’s the b-st-rd now!
[man] jesus christ!
[ann] have you any shame?
[man] oh, my god!
[joe] this the guy that cheats?
[donna] and i’ve the receipts
[robbie] and his tipping is lame!
[man] does this whole co-op suddenly know my affairs?

[robbie, spoken] care to take the stairs?
[joe, spoken] yeah right, i hate the stairs
[ann, spoken] i mean, going down them isn’t the worst, but going up!
[robbie, spoken] stairs in either direction is a nightmare
[donna, spoken] god i love elevators!
[ann, spoken] god, i love this co-op!
[all] me too!
[man] me three!

[all]
yes, we’re going up!
co-ops crudely cooperate
it’s a h-ssle but still somehow kind of great
so we’re going up (so we’re going up)
in this rising purgatory
checking in on everyone and every story

yes, we’re going up!
(and the brown and the beige
and the brown and the beige
and the brown!)

yes, we’re going up!
(and the brown and the beige
and the brown and the beige
and the brown and the beige
and the brown and the beige)

co-op, i love you!

- john mulaney lyrics

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