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john oliver - eat shit bob! lyrics

start at 20:24

john oliver:
we went to court
against the world’s worst sport
and learned important lessons on the way
we spoke with perfect candor
got accused with slander
cause bob murray wants to make us pay
so even though he’ll threaten
legal armageddon
we have just one tiny thing to say
bob murray can go f-ck himself today!

john oliver: ladies and gentlemen, to help me better respond to bob murray’s complete bullsh-t. please welcome to the show, the suck my b-lls bob dancers!

the suck my b-lls bob dancers:
murray, murray, murray, murray
hey bob! watch this!

the suck my b-lls bob dancers:
he went to the louvre to spit in mona lisa’s face
filled a rocket with puppies and he shot it into sp-ce

john oliver:
he bludgeoned nancy kerrigan and watched her cry for fun (why?)

all:
he murdered archduke ferdinand and started world war one!

john: that’s right, if we discussed bob murray in a way that no reasonable person could strew as factual. we can say whatever the f-ck we like! so come on everyone! let’s head to the streets!

interlude 2: the suck my b-lls bob dancers
ahhh
murray, wow!

construction worker:
he’ll stroll into a stranger’s home and jizz right in their wheaties

p-sserby:
he watches steel magnolias and roots for diabetes

lady with baby stroller:
he wrote the macarena and he dots his i’s with hearts

john oliver:
and even worse he likes to blame

all:
malala for his farts!

hot dog vendor: hey! what’s the big idea?

john oliver: we just used protected speech to tell bob murray to eat sh-t!

hot dog vendor: bob murray? is that the guy who dipped his b-lls in my hot dog water?

john oliver: that’s exactly who i’m talking about!

hot dog vendor: can i bring my cart?

john oliver: it’s not ideal

hot dog vendor: it’ll be fine if i leave it here right?

john oliver: i don’t know!

the suck my b-lls bob dancers:
murray, murray
he doesn’t like tom hanks
he cut off van gogh’s ear
told hitler to quit painting and to find a new career
he m-st-rbates to schindler’s list
old yeller makes him hard

john oliver:
he was cosby’s drug supplier
jeffrey epstein’s prison guard

hbo lawyer: stop! everybody please! stop! stop! stop! stop!
john, as hbo’s legal counsel please stop. i have something very important to say

hbo lawyer and the suck my b-lls bob dancers:
one day at the m&m store
bob murray walked through the door
he wasn’t wearing pants that day
his d-ck and b-lls on full display
(full display!)
he grabbed m&m’s from a bowl
he crammed them up his (-n-l hole!)
he spread his b-ttcheeks far and wide
he told the tourists to look inside! (look inside?)
he said “my r-ct-m’s full of treats, reach in there and grab some sweets!”
(grab some sweets!)
these are all real things bob murray did

hbo lawyer: see you in court f-ckface!

john oliver: look! it’s mr. nutterb-tter! we’re singing about bob murray. i believe you’ve heard of him

mr. nutterb-tter: you mean the zodiac k!ller?

john oliver: that’s the one!

mr. nutterb-tter: well my friends have a little something to say about him

the nutterb-tter quartet:
bob, bob murray is a furry
putting aside our personal plotholes
the man f-cks

nutterb-tter puppet:
squirrels!

the nutterb-tter quartet:
the man f-cks squirrels!

interlude 3: the suck my b-lls bob dancers
eat sh-t bob
eat sh-t bob

john oliver: hey! i know where we should go!

interlude 4: the suck my b-lls bob dancers
oooh ahhh
murray murray
eat sh-t bob and…

all:
hey bob!
this is as bad as you feared
it doesn’t count as
slander!
cause it’s way too weird
we made up these anecdotes
we’re silly and insane
we could go on and on and on
and on and on and on and on
but we will stop this song, who knows, we may have fried your brains
so eat!
sh-t!
booooooooooooooooooob!
and yow!

- john oliver lyrics

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