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johniepee - attachment theory lyrics

[intro]
yeah

[verse 1]
i’ve been dealing with the
same old demons, i don’t need ’em
head up in the clouds or buried in sand, don’t matter, ’cause i’ve been deceiving
myself, daily, but i’ll lock myself away this evening
try to dig a little deeper, past the numb, that helped me beat ’em
who is that you ask? well not a person, more a bunch of seasons, could’ve slit my wrist for freedom, overdosed, a hundred reasons, grateful that my heart was freezing, no emotion hardly seeming, like i would’ve been coping, but the odds they truly kept me even
never dealt with noughts, crosses, but instead it’s more doctors, telling my fragile mother, she’d be guinea pigged, her thought process
different, dealt with four losses, husband left her, baby daughter died
she more than sorta mortified, so took that course promised
to take it all away, to the numb the pain, i know it’s hard
you didn’t need the drugs they gave you, all you had’s a broken heart
a man who didn’t love you, left you, hate that i’m his seed as well
sometimes i see some him in me and i don’t wanna be myself

[chorus]
’cause i’ve been looking for that cure
something to take me away from here
i’ve tried everything and now i’m sure
ain’t gonna make nothing disappear, it started with
lonely nights and lullabies
just you and i, we survived
all alone, now i’m grown (yeah)
time to face it on my own

[verse 2]
i’ve been
living in the same old seasons, i don’t leave ’em
summer or autumn or winter or spring, the warnings are coming but no i don’t heed ’em
every moment clouded in my judgement, though appearing even
keeled, though what i feel is often dampened by my inner demons
the ones i never face, deep down, hesitate
i hide away, my private place, won’t see nor penetrate
the place i grew numb to avoid, when i grew up from a boy, behind my hardness tears stream as each song resonates
’cause music’s the only thing i ever let inside
so it’s only right, i only write, on lonely nights, to let my head decide
what i dig up, and what i’ll deal with
every jewel locked in a vault, i somehow concealed it all
from you and i, but now it comes to the surface
i spent too many sundays feeling out of place in the churches
now i’ma raid where the hurt lives and bring a change to the person
take aim at the curtains, the masquerade is slain with the verses, for certain

[verse 3]
yeah
i need to let it go, ’cause this’ll be my final act
raised by countless legends, living proof i don’t require a dad
soo many stepped up as well, their heart on the line
i became a man with some help, my only father was time, truth
but i can be the man you never were and shake your hand
but take it as a gesture, nothing more, ’cause you are not a man
you ran like seven hours, just a copper to post
meanwhile the closest person to me always copping it most
and i hated her and loved her in the same breath
separation anxiety crying, but it made sense to me
could only handle her bedridden not, the days she’d flip
so no wonder i’m ambivalent in relationships
amazed that this, the basis that makes me tick
i’m always living in a state ready to break or shift
relationships, or maybe just the place i live
i don’t need no face-to-face, i need to face this sh-t, done

[outro]
looking for a cure to save me
looking for a cure to save me
looking for a cure to save me
but i’ma save myself, soon as i let it go

- johniepee lyrics

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