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johnstoned - collision lyrics

[verse: johnstoned]
when the inevitable comes; it sure spark regrets
the f-cking years im thinking i couldve made amends
now we’re all waiting in sorrow until then
by your bedside grasping on your hand until ten
grasping on the golden days memories of us then
thats where the majority of my childhood must been
that’s all we really have to reminsince together mutual
as a baby id visit you in your room and that was usual
you would always chew tobacco as i play on the floor
with the vhs tapes like abc blocks from the store
i mean it wasn’t like we was bored, it wasn’t like we was poor
that was me bonding and now i wish i could have more
back when you lift me and now i can lift you
but i ain’t lift your hand to sit and pray with you
but thats all really you wanted, thats past tense too
old memories is the only thing to make me miss you
unfortunately because as i grew up we grew distant
you fell in the bathroom now a diaper is where you p-ss in
an adolescent facing friends, drugs, popularity
i was blinded by the world and didn’t face reality
while you were slowly dying and i swear i’ll shed a f-cking tear
if you ever were on your bed wondernig why i wasn’t f-cking here
but now i wonder the same and it breaks my f-cking heart
how the way i grew up tore a relationship apart
it hurts because i realize ignoring it would deflect
the irresponsiblity of not paying respect
but it hurts me the most because you would never speak
but attempt to mumbling just when you see me
d-mn i f-cked up, you’re dying without much of
images of your favorite grandson but stuck up
because whenever i visit man i just wanted to leave
thinking it wasn’t important but now i really see
but what can i do now besides reminiscne?
learn from this lesson but its you that i miss?
replaying images in my head i was small when
we played hide and seek and you had to find me callin
after me in your chair chasing me i was jogging
now you’re in the bed and i have nightmares that im fallin
so i hope your last thought wasn’t captured and caught
by the reason i never brought my respect or myself
and you’re staring at the shelves sitting at nursery home
thinking to yourself where did my family go
and i hope best your last breath wasn’t the gasp of a cry
thinking if he could step why didn’t he p-ss and say hi
so im depressed and stressed so p-ss it and get high
you should’ve left without a dread of the past or ask why
but instead thinking fresh in the vast after life
and die a free spirit and even if i can’t hear it
i know you’re guiding me the right turns i wanna be steerin
cause in this crazy flight, hazy highs with dazy eyes
only way to grasp at life maintain this shady life
because as i got older it seems the world got colder
self esteem was bolder so i grew a f-cking boulder
on my back, weight on my motherf-cking shoulders
and paragraph regrets on my chest but its over
so rest in paradise maybe take a listen
unique laugh, soft skin, and grey hair glistens
for the family i’ll look out, look up to you while looking down
whatever it takes to prevent you from antoher frown
i’m sorry i had to learn a lesson through your fate
of dying wise, old, beautiful,and no hate
just a peaceful mind state thats what im needing
keep repeating the same contest because im fiending
to fully deliver the message tryna fully stress the meaning
to get this guilt off my mind but then i realize
to move on from the past
like my great grandma would really want
move on from the past
like she would really want
to live and last
then in heaven where we would talk
and make up for everying and then catch up
but who knows what life’ll bring it’s sad huh

- johnstoned lyrics

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