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jon cozart - politiclash lyrics

[introduction]
who are you gonning to vote for?
ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2016 presidential debate
get your popcorn ready
this is…politiclash

[verse 1: hillary clinton]
five, six, seven, eight!
hi, hillary here, (woman up!)
been in power for many a year
spent a decade or three in political spheres
you say i’m just first lady? you’re k!llin’ me here
strolling up to the white house, i never forget
the smell of carpe diem carpet bombs and ceiling the debt
back when i operated bill like a marionette
sporting gepetto stilettos
taking on ghettos and terror threats
then real boy toyed with the wrong brunette
pinocchio-ing, poking around to get his wood wet
still eight years running, didn’t break a sweat
left with my head on my shoulders
i’m no marie antoinette
my speed is breakneck, take checks
won’t apologize for the upset
didn’t die with my man, this ain’t no romeo, juliet
mama’s back for the votes, just call me suffragette
forget bill, i’m an à la carte oligarch and i’m crushing it

hi, clinton is back, (suit up!)
in a pantsuit and on the attack, (brute up!)
protecting people from here to iraq
gonna pick up that torch from barack
you can sing hallelujah, but i’m too much to handel
forget shonda rhymes, i invented the scandal
benghazi n-z- paparazzi come and stir up another fuss
call time magazine, i’m the queen of the cover up’s
gonna kick -ss and take blames
upper cl-ss, i’ll take aim
put bernie in an urn and fight the fanboy-fanned flames
i’m hyper activist
the lion, elephant’s nemesis
an emotional strategist, black mamba, i’m venomous
wrathful warrior pacifist, channel yahweh in genesis
i’m the gaudiest, godliest, godless, minimal feminist
i’m hrc, new election, new me
all hail the female in 2016!

[transition clinton-trump]
(trump): eh, hilarry, can i talk?
(clinton): no?
(trump): terrific

[verse 2: donald trump]

so we’re supposed to elect you just because you’re a woman?
you’re less likable than cruz, and he looks like a melting snowman
such excitement for indictment, this email thing’s a bad omen
getting cold, better run to putin before you get snowden
don’t be alarmed, it’s just me, the real donald trump
i’m here to smear to give your ladies and your ratings a bump
you pumped? i’m the buyer’s choice to make america great again
mission’s simple: give permission to let americans hate again
speaking of which, obama’s a muslim, talk about foreign aid
where was he born? africa? i popped out in suede
and hey, when life gave me millions, i made billionaide
best served on ice with a plate of barack o’bbq in the shade

money, money, money, money~
took my casino earnings, brought some cash to the party
just spent a weekend at bernie’s
and now we’re crashing the parties
poaching establishment voters on a ferrari safari
talkin’ a big game sipping on some fascist bacardi
jk, i don’t drink, i have self-control
unless you’re not-white, rosie o’donnel, or an internet troll
blew up republican politics like the law was sharia
made chris christie my b-tchie
turned carson into madea
ted held hands with fiorina while my fans filled arenas
poor bruised abused cruz
i stole his role in god’s not dead 3-uh
bernie, baby, take notes from a true inside outsider
you’re a dumbfounded dumb founder of a movement that floundered
your camp can riot at my rallies but don’t show up to fight
things get messy when teens start exercising their rights

[verse 3: bernie sanders]
the jew has risen…let’s go!

so you’re worth millions
well i’m a meme, that’s my net worth
i’m set, working the net, go on and keep your networks
i’m gonna polarize ya, pulverize ya, separate the truth from lies
ya can’t stop the young people
bernie’s gonna youthenize ya
i’m new and old-fashioned, hi, i’m bernie sanders
i came from the streets of brooklyn to be your chief commander
i meander gerrymandering and slander from a witch
which, by the by, is why i pitched a campaign for the no-rich niche
funded by americans, bernie’s super packless
no corruption, no greed
i’m like a shamwow, no mess
hit the campaign trail with black sails
eff the police i’m freeing the black males
stall white-collar low-ballers from tipping cash to tip the scales
gonna fill the jails with laymen
hope their souls are worth the savings
misbehave in the caymens
trump, you’re gonna go to h-ll for your havens, oh boy!
hey satan, is this seat taken?
america’s gotta white-collar cravin’
i’m the second most-popular socialist jew gettin’ praised in this nation

if ya got a couple millions, you’ll be revolushunned
i got 99 problems, but my percent ain’t 1

- jon cozart lyrics

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