jon kaplan, al kaplan - the thing: the musical ("i'm the thing!") lyrics
[verse one]
it’s cold outside, i’ve been running for miles
helicopter trailin’ behind
hey, it’s a camp, think i’ll stay for a while…
won’tcha help a doggie out of a bind?
there’s nothing to see here, i’m only a husky
your average adorable rover
but once i convince you it’s okay to trust me
your civilization is over!
[chorus]
i can’t wait to see their faces when i spring (yes, sir)
’cause they think that i’m a dog, but i’m the thing!
(i’m the thing baby.)
[verse two]
can you tell that i’m not from around here?
did you know that things are worse than you feared?
’cause i’ve been to a million planets
and i can copy you right down to your beard
you can check on your ancient computer
it’s astonishing how quickly i spread
you can pick up an axe and go crazy
but i can grow legs from my head
so, i might be macready
or maybe i’m doc
blair’s been acting awf’lly suspicious
that gary’s a liar
be sure to watch clark
and windows, well he’s just delicious!
[chorus]
so perform your little test
hey you found me, i’m impressed!
hate to interrupt your endless bickering
big surprise, guys, i’m not palmer, i’m the thing!
(from another world, baby)
[verse three]
oh, ya really gotta love paranoia.,
more than half of you believe that i’m mac
once you make up your mind you can blow me up
or you can burn me, i’ll keep coming back!
i could be anyone, so watch those hands doc, ouch!
you’ll either end up dead, or tied to this f-cking couch!
[instrumental break with sounds of carnage in the background]
da da-bah dah dah (etc.)
[verse four]
we’re well past the point of silly denials
so am i macready or could i be childs?
(which one am i baby?)
[chorus]
these poor b-st-rds in the snow
they were clueless, now they know
it’s a special brand of nightmare that i bring
yes, they thought i was a dog, but i’m… the… thing!
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