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jordan caesar - holdin on lyrics

i don’t
wanna
slip
into the depression that i thought i conquered
and lose control of my life all over a b-tch
who left me without considering the slim
chance of survival my life has without her being apart of it
i keep my head up and try to pretend
that i got it all together upstairs, when really i’m tryna convince
my own self that only stones and sticks
can break me down, there’s no way i’m on the ground over a girl who called it quits
all these other hoes affected by my lack of affection
but when i do the sh-t to her, she doesn’t pay it attention
i could f-ck another b-tch and she would probably accept it
but if she f-cks another n-gg-, i’d create some weapons to leave him headless
and would still have this pinned up aggression
that can always find the entrance, but never the exit
my tunnel vision for you got me losing connection
with who i am as a whole, i’ll lose my soul before i lose my hold

[chorus]
i’m still holdin’ on
and i can’t let go
i’m still holdin’ on
and i can’t let go
i’m still holdin’ on
and i can’t let go
i’m still holdin’ on
and i can’t let go
[x2]

[verse 2]
i know, i know, i told myself plenty of times befo’
that this will be the last time i’ll be traveling on this road
but before i head home is when your face decides to show
and it gives me faith to fight for us and never lose my hold
which really sucks because in doing so, there’s not as many pros
as there are to cons, me loving you really does take its toll
i’m lying to my n-gg-s and i’m compromising goals
i’m fighting off these feelings praying that they never show
but i can’t hide it much longer, i think i’m gonna explode
i’m always hearing a ring, i’m always checking my phone
always seeing your face when i know that i am alone
i’m always finding your name when i’m going over my notes
all of my achievements and everything that i own
has suddenly lost its meaning in the same way that you’ve gone
i haven’t even been sleeping, i can’t keep my eyes closed
without jumping up, i’m screaming these words out of my throat!
i’m still holdin on!

[bridge]
i’m still holdin’ on
i’m still holdin’ on
i’m still holdin’ on
now if your best friend seen what you did to me
i wouldn’t be the bad guy in our history
but it’s cool
now if my best friend seen what you did to me
as a man, i would lose all my dignity
so i’m cool

[verse 3]
mentally, you’re toxic
a poison in disguise
but i continue to indulge
for reasons i have yet to find
i swear i blocked your number in attempts to sever ties
but when you exit from my life, you find the entrance to my mind
i gotta be a man when i’m just hanging with the guys
i can never let them see how you k!lled me on the inside
i call you out on sh-t, but when you call me out on mine
i can feel sanity slip, but i must swallow my pride
forgive me if i loved you incorrectly
sometimes i jump the gun when i feel that you disrespect me
all i know of love is how my father did my mother
the lying and the violence don’t mean that you love each other
and i see that now
i remember when you told me that i may have a problem
i believe that now
but you loved me despite what i had going on
so until you come back, i’m still holdin’ on

[chorus]
i’m still holdin’ on
and i can’t let go
i’m still holdin’ on
and i can’t let go
i’m still holdin’ on
and i can’t let go
[x2]

- jordan caesar lyrics

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