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jordan sunlight - plain m&ms (demo) lyrics

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plain m&ms (demo) lyrics
[spoken] whenever i get a package of plain m&ms, i make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. to this end, i hold m&m duels

[spoken] taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, i apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. that is the “loser,” and i eat the inferior one immediately. the winner gets to go another round

[spoken] i have found that, in general, the brown and red m&ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. i have hypothesized that the blue m&ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack+food world

[spoken] occasionally i will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. in this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment

[spoken] when i reach the end of the pack, i am left with one m&m, the strongest of the herd. since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, i pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to m&m mars, a division of mars, inc., hackettstown, nj 17840+1503 u.s.a., along with a 3×5 card reading, “please use this m&m for breeding purposes.”

[spoken] this week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain m&ms. i consider this “grant money.” i have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. from a field of hundreds, we will discover the true champion

[spoken] there can be only one

- jordan sunlight lyrics

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