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joshua idehen - mum does the washing lyrics

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the world according to your mum doing the washing

capitalism
your mum does the washing, you pay her a dollar
you get her to do your mate’s washing, your mate pays you fifty dollars

communism
your mum does the washing, you do the washing
every night, you salute a picture of your dad

socialism
your mum does the washing, you do the cooking
everybody is happy, in theory

feudalism
your mum does the washing and pays you tax

colonialism
you barge into your mum’s room
claim you discovered your mum’s room
dump all your dirty clothes on the floor

fascism
your mum does the washing
and you are obsessed with her nose
liberalism
you watch your mum do the washing
and you feel really, really bad
“something must be done” you say
something may or may not get done

libertarianism
your mum does the washing
you believe you did the washing

religion
your mum does the washing
you thank god

atheism
your mum does the washing
you make a twelve+part youtube video demanding peer+reviewed evidence
that she did, in fact, do the washing

zionism
you shoved your mum into the washing machine
and the spinning made her dizzy
and that dizziness made her vomit
and you point to that vomit and call it antisemitism

americanism
your mum does the washing
it’s in the constitution
end of discussion
mansplaining
your mum does the washing
you tell her how best to do the washing
you have never done the washing

same+s+x marriage
your mums do the washing

patriarchy
your mum doesn’t exist
your washing is mysteriously done

terfism
your mum doesn’t want your other mum doing the washing
because of like, genitals and stuff

polling
there is a seventy perfect chance
you will do the washing on sat+rday night
come sunday morning
it was one+hundred percent done by your mum

africanism
you go to benny’s house
benny’s mum does the washing
you ask your mum why she doesn’t do the washing
you do not survive the night
feminism
your mum insists you grow up and do your own washing

white feminism
your mum hired a woman of color to do the washing

male feminism
the one time i did the washing
i told everyone i did the washing
i blogged about it
bragged about it
took a selfie
insta story
went on tv
won an oscar
went on fortnite
did a dance
i am an ally
hashtag metoo

egalitarianism
the one time you did the washing
is proof it’s all equal and no one needs feminism anymore

hip+hop
everyday i’m hustling
everyday i’m hustling
when i bring the basket
my mum puts the washing in

narcissism
you look good in the clothes your mum washed

surrealism
the washing does your mum

- joshua idehen lyrics

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