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joshua tyra - i am the very model of a biblical philologist lyrics

[verse 1]
i am the very model of a biblical philologist
i’m quite the semitician and a passing hittitologist
my articles are free from all grammatical iniquity
i rank semitic cognates in their order of propinquity

i am very well acquainted, too, with matters exegetical
i side with all the orthodox, and censure the heretical
in print, i wrinkle brows of any liberal who wrinkles mine

wrinkles mine, wrinkles mine… got it!
and counter all the theses of that vigilante finkelstein!
and counter all the theses of that vigilante finkelstein!
and counter all the theses of that vigilante finkelstein!
and counter all the theses of that vigilante finkel+finkelstein!
then i can give a lecture on the logic of leviticus
and tell you every symbol in the apparatus criticus
in short, in matters lexical, semantic, and h0m+logous
i am the very model of a biblical philologist!
in short, in matters lexical, semantic, and h0m+logous
he is the very model of a biblical philologist!

i know my st. jerome and all his vulgate prolegomena
i’ve memorized, in order, all the known hapax legomena!
then i can tell the age of every patriarch in genesis
and tell the daghesh fortés from the shureqs and the lenéses

i dream in aramaic and interpret it in syriac
i’ve posited that esau was a possible porphyriac
then i can p+rs+ at sight a polal, hithpolal or hishtaphel

hishtaphel, hishtaphel… i say, that’s a hard one, isn’t it… got it!
and topple any argument it happens that i wish to fell!
and topple any argument it happens that he wish to fell!
and topple any argument it happens that he wish to fell!
and topple any argument it happens that he wish to wish to fell!

then i can date a sample of arabian calligraphy
and tell you what the scribe was wearing, based on the epigraphy!
in short, in matters lexical, semantic, and h0m+logous
i am the very model of a biblical philologist!
in short, in matters lexical, semantic, and h0m+logous
he is the very model of a biblical philologist!
then i can write a shopping list in classical sumerian
and tell you whether peoples were nomadic or agrarian
i know the jewish festivals, purimic and kippurian
i mumble in mandaic, i can hum a little hurrian

then i can sing the alphabet in hieroglyphic luwian
and catalogue the animals, both pre+ and postdiluvian
then i can tell a surplice from a chasuble or maniple

maniple, maniple… oh dear, i suppose it’s not avoidable really…
and reconstruct the library of ancient assurbanipal
and reconstruct the library of ancient assurbanipal
and reconstruct the library of ancient assurbani+banipal

i wrote my dissertation in a flowery akkadian
and proved the philistines were almost certainly canadian
in short, in matters lexical, semantic, and h0m+logous
i am the very model of a biblical philologist!
in short, in matters lexical, semantic, and h0m+logous
he is the very model of a biblical philologist!

presto agitato, s’il vous plaît, maestro

then i can write a shopping list in classical sumerian
and tell you whether peoples were nomadic or agrarian
i know the jewish festivals, purimic and kippurian
i mumble in mandaic, i can hum a little hurrian
then i can sing the alphabet in hieroglyphic luwian
and catalogue the animals, both pre+ and postdiluvian
then i can tell a surplice from a chasuble or maniple
and reconstruct the library of ancient assurbanipal
and reconstruct the library of ancient assurbanipal
and reconstruct the library of ancient assurbani+banipal

how do you like that, eh, finkelstein?

- joshua tyra lyrics

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