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jovian - inner demons lyrics

(sound of rain and thunder)

look, i’m not here tryna cause a panic
but inside my head lives a demon, he’s a loose cannon
and now i’m feeling like i’m bruce banner
the fire he’s breathing, it’s like dealing with a caged dragon
man, how the h+ll did this happen
have you ever felt that it’s your own mind and your trapped in?
and why the f+ck is it me he’s attacking
little boy in the corner, the one he’s got me backed in
well hands up, like i’m trying to reach the ceiling
and now i’m crying, cause i took the internal beating
am i dying? cause it feels like my heart is bleeding
now he’s lying, saying things, i don’t believe him
so many voices, why do they continue screaming
a broken record, why do things keep repeating
temporary block, that’s why i start the heavy drinking
unhealthy habits, as i start overeating
now i feel that emotionally i’ve been defeated
willpowers gone, lost it all, it’s been depleted
years of suffering, trust me i’ve took a beaten
questioned it, tell me am i the reason
am i to blame, is it my fault i’ve been mistreated
did i deserve it, to be ripped up and torn to pieces?
should they of given up, before i even became a foetus
too afraid to open up, don’t want to expose my weakness
mixed up feelings, becoming too hard to contain
the inner demons, immune to all my restraints
no time for healing, washing these sleeves with bloodstains
underestimated, the sheer power, of our brains
appearance, is something that i must maintain
addicted, to the noise, like cocaine
understanding, that i will never be the same
and when i’m gone, will anyone remember my name
as all this pain, is something that i’m used to
my childhood, i often took abuse through
bullying, was something that i grew through
and alcohol, so many days i boozed through
intrusive, thoughts, and how they bruise you
darkness, is something i commute through
and the screws, is something i have loose too
tear+stained pillows, is what i’ve been reduced to
cheated on, and lied to, it hurts you
great loss from, death or they desert you
betrayal, so who the f+ck you turn to
destruction, from the bridges that they burnt through
well f+ck them, and all the ones who cursed you
remember, all of those who nursed you
letting go, is something that you learnt to
as happiness they found, with someone else, it weren’t you
now i’m corrupted, by the thoughts of self+hate
negatives, ocd, and now i fixate
choking, on toxic traits, i suffocate
my own life, i contemplate terminat+ing
judgement, clouded, it complicates
twisted, thoughts start to aggravate
am i a freak, cause it’s f+cking up my mental state
am i too long gone if help came, am i just dead weight
regret fear and shame, feelings that can haunt us
inner demons, sit inside and taunt us
locked up, in my mental fortress
now he’s feeding, of the hate that you brought us
reflecting, all the good that life taught us
am i sick, do i make you feel nauseous
pleasure gained, whilst he sits there and tortures us
so don’t come near me, unless your f+cking cautious
so now i’m losing, the will to live
rage pulsating, i’m ready to start breaking sh+t
can’t decide, if it’s me that i want to k!ll
or hurt the ones whoever made me feel like this
for these c+nts, i got no f+cks, left to give
this is my life, so why you try to mess with it
you say you love me, but you never gave a sh+t
and my heart is not a toy, so why’d you try to play with it
twisted, s+d+stic, man i’m such a sick f+ck
one chance, missed it, i ain’t got no luck
robbed me, of all i am, just a quick buck
guess life’s a b+tch, in other words, yeah this sh+t sucks
like em and wayne said, there is no love
inner demon, made me strong, he made me tough
so now i’m ready, to bury, these heavy c+nts
in a six, foot grave, that i already dug
is that not what you meant, by k!lling my problems
giving in, maybe easy, it’s not the right option
inner demons, maybe feeding me the right toxin
can’t deny, there’s a time, to apply logic
reflecting, look back, is it really what you wanted
hurting, let go, take control, and stop them
pick yourself up, when your down at rock bottom
something’s, are better left unsaid, better off forgotten
the past is the past, so let it stay in the past
not everything’s forever, something’s just don’t last
pull yourself together, take of that dead mask
don’t give into the pressure, some questions you just don’t ask
medals of honour, let people see, them battle scars
wear them with pride, even your fragile heart
look at how much you’ve grown, since the start
clouds, only temporarily block the light shining from the stars
so don’t ever let someone say you have something to prove
as they will never see, exactly what it is that you’ve been through
the inner demons, can sometimes, provide the right tools
from inside, to continue the fight, and help you pull through
but deep down inside, you know the real truth
about who you are, and the person you will become too
people will always, like, hate, or love you
but they can never determine, what it is that you must do
and when it rains, it rains and it pours
the earth shakes, from mistakes, and it brings you to the floor
and you start to hyperventilate, too weak to stand tall
fell to your knees, from defeat, for now you must crawl
never out of reach, you can see the open door
it was never meant to be, as easy as you’d hoped for
silhouettes of those who came and fell before
there’s only one chance we get, for this life, there’s no encore
all that matters, is who we are, and what we do next
orchestrate, our own life’s, is what we do best
relieve yourself, get those things of your d+mn chest
as for the other things, just lay them to rest
it’s all about the direction, not how many steps
there’s no such thing as perfection, it doesn’t exist
everything is about balance, and the weight that we shift
the inner demons, can be misleading, but it’s sometimes a gift
(what now?)
f+ck
(deep inhale)
(scratching)
(deep exhale)
(how’d you feel?)
i feel like sh+t, i ain’t gonna lie i feel like sh+t
appreciate it

- jovian lyrics

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