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jt kidd - journal entry lyrics

[verse 1]
dear journal, wait, who should this be to?
cause i know i’m the only one who’s going to read you
but anyway i’m living in this world, thinking about h-ll, and if it’s really better here
cause i would give my life for people who were never there
well, to be honest i don’t even want this life
i constantly think about if i should live another night
because it seems like pain follows me everywhere i go
and this time i don’t think i can be saved by the stereo
but i can’t let myself break down
looking in a mirror like can i really be great now
can i really love when all i feel is hate while?
i’m dying on the inside and wearing a fake smile
i don’t know the definition of a friendship
because i haven’t had a friend since the moment i began this
which was four years ago when all i did was resented
myself and my whole life, i just wanted to end it
in a blaze of glory
maybe people wouldn’t ignore me
but it doesn’t matter because no one would ever adore me
i guess i’m forgettable like dory
i just want to be the author of my story
why should i put on a facade, to get a girl to like me?
really? is she a god? that’s very unlikely
growing up i was so fragile
and now i’m just isolated in a capsule
and i’m so fed up with society
every single person on this earth always lies to me
they always try to shoot down what i try to be
but they have no idea about what i can be
but really, what is that?
cause they always say i won’t be anything, but is it fact?
please tell me it isn’t true
and is there someone i can talk to that isn’t you?
and that’s not to say i don’t enjoy telling you about my stories
i just wanna know if there’s more for me
please tell me that there is more
anyways, i gotta go, sincerely yours

[verse 2]
i’m back, and now i understand
that you are not a man
or a woman, you’re just paper under my hand, that i write on with pen
anyways, guess what happened to me today at school?
you’re right! i got rejected again, this time cause she thinks i’m not cool
yo, what kind of bs is that?
remember that one cl-ss everyone hates me in? i got a f in that
this one person i love who helped me find my faith
and right now she is about 900 miles away
i don’t think i’ll ever get to see her gorgeous face again
and i don’t think i’m meant for this place i’m in
all my life i just wanted to give
but how can i call this a life, when i don’t get to live?
i swear everyone just wants me dead
they would just watch me as i bled
and they would just watch me as i cried
so what’s gonna stop them from watching me as i die?
there’s this one girl i want but she doesn’t feel the same
and i just feel a way every time i hear her name
and i feel like, wait i know she derserves better
i wanna give her something as beautiful as her and maybe that’ll tell her
that i’m the guy for her, well maybe i am not
i remember people told me stop crying like that would make me stop
i ask why? they say cause you’re a guy, i thought you should know this
i don’t want to live in a world where a human can’t have emotion

[outro]
i can’t even fully express how i feel right now because it’s not the manly thing to do. apparently all humans aren’t supposed to love, hate, cry, or express any emotion. i can’t even express myself to a journal anymore because i just blocked all my emotions off, and that’s the most hurtful thing ever. sincerely………. i don’t know anymore

- jt kidd lyrics

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