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juice rap news - rn17: the war on terra lyrics

[stephen harper]
“and the world needs us
to continue to serve as powerful models of prosperous and comp-ssionate societies
that is the canadian way and the australian way.”

[robert foster]
this is rap news. happy new era, and welcome
despite our best efforts; from oil spills to nuclear meltdowns;
the human empire washortins not successful in bringing about the apocalypse in 2012
but don’t lose faith: we may yet be able to make it happen
in today’s expose we’re aiming to establish
where the best progress is being made in shattering
what’s left of humanity’s relationship with this planet
and what better place to commence with than australia
where after two hundred years of invasion
we can finally -ssess the results of civilisation
here’s colonial correspondent ken oathcarn. are you there, ken ?

[ken oathcarn]
ken oathcarn, robbo, and happy ‘straya day yeah?

[robert foster]
hi ken, how’s australia helping to end the world this year?

[ken oathcarn]
never fear, ‘straya has a multi-faceted
total strategy to bring global calamity so rapidly
this planet won’t know what hit it, take a look:
we’ve got the worst polluting power station in the world: hazelwood
we’re ravaging this chick kimberly, straight smackin’ her t–th
and carving channels through the great barrier reef

[robert foster]
good grief!

[ken oathcarn]
mate, we’re on fire!
so intense that we’ve had to add two new shades to the temperature spectrum!
and soon we’ll have five more shades to add
as finally we unlock the gates of h-ll with coal seam gas mining!

[robert foster]
australia is doing fine then, now let’s examine
another capital of the civilised world whose per capita
progress towards causing apocalypse is admirable
we cross live to our correspondent in canada
are you on camera, f-gin heighbard?

[f-gin heighbard]
f-gin heighbard!
i’m on the athabasca oil sands. tell you what:
some call this land the tar sands, but for sure
us canucks, we refer to it as “mordor”

[robert foster]
so can canada help end life on earth permanently?

[f-gin heighbard]
we’ve got the largest industrial project in history
the biggest contributor to our extinction today
and canada gets to display the badge of distinction, eh!
we took a pristine area about the size of britain
and smashed the boreal forest to get the barrels of bitumen
forget the pyramids, our toxic waste is visible from outer sp-ce
where we’ll go when the earth is uninhabitable for the human race

[robert foster]
err… that’s… great

[ken oathcarn]
woah woah hold it there mate:
we’ve got the largest industrial project on earth’s face

[f-gin heighbard]
my gahd, the f-ck is that, bub?

[ken oathcarn]
that, ‘bub’, is our very own version of the tar sands standing up
you c-nt-nadians think you mine hard
but get a load of jabba the hutt, aka gina rhinehardt

[f-gin heighbard]
you’re gonna need to try harder. you want offensive? try harper:
he tweeted bacon during the hunger strike of a tribal elder

[robert foster]
speaking of elders, i see they are idle no more
rising in a cause that’s provoked a global tide of support
for an end to this wanton ecocide and for
canada to abide by the treaties it signed before

[ken oathcarn]
what, you signed treaties with your natives? mate!

[f-gin heighbard]
yeah, but them treaties don’t mean nothin’ to us, ay

[robert foster]
so canada, like australia, is founded on stolen wealth and land?

[ken oathcarn & f-gin heighbard]
ah, you mean the commonwealth!

[f-gin heighbard]
look, man, it’s true we’ve invaded and taken the land away
but the natives weren’t even using it anyway

[ken oathcarn]
sounds like fair game!

[f-gin heighbard]
fuggin rights, eh!
they barely scratched the terrain; we’ve got all this to our name

[robert foster]
in just a few hundred years since you arrived as colonists
both your nations per capita have provided astonishing
progress toward wholesale final apocalypse
share your secret? how did you guys accomplish this?

[ken oathcarn]
be civilised

[f-gin heighbard]
like you’re above, not part of, everything

[ken oathcarn]
and whatever you do, don’t learn your past history

[f-gin heighbard]
wage war on mother earth

[ken oathcarn]
the war on terra!

[f-gin heighbard]
you gotta give’er all the way

[ken oathcarn]
or someone else’ll get her

[robert foster]
and none of this i -ssume is sustainable, is it?

[ken oathcarn]
pffft! what do you think we are… indigenous?

[robert foster]
but if you’re not “indigenous”, doesn’t this mean that you’re not… from earth?

[f-gin heighbard]
f-gin heighbard!

[ken oathcarn]
ken oathcarn!

[f-gin heighbard]
sing with us!

[ken oathcarn]
whoa ohhh, i’m australian, an illegal alien
a stray alien in melbourne

[f-gin heighbard]
i’m canadian, an illegal alien
a canadian in edmonton
i drink hortons and my two fours, eh
plan some pipelines we can lay
never think of long-term future when i talk
a canadian in edmonton

[ken oathcarn & f-gin heighbard]
whoa ohhh, we are aliens, we’re illegal aliens
the invaders of planet earth
c-nt!

[robert foster]
congratulations to you both on your dominance
all others, please don’t take offence: while they might top the list
all of us are doing our best to ignite theapocalypse
well, we’re out of time, so our final thought is this:
why are some of us now being called “non-indigenous”?
it’s fitting, i guess, for a population that wants to mimic
this meme of invading aliens from hollywood picture fl!cks
who k!ll the natives and ravage the planet of all its riches quick
to survive, some say we need to heed indigenous people
perhaps what we also need is to be indigenous, people
do we belong to planet earth or to an alien invasion?
a decision that might define our human fate
good evening

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