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juice rap news - rn31: the eurodivision contest lyrics

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[robert foster]
bonjour! guten tag! γεια σου, or hello!
this edition we’re transmitting direct from the eurozone
where the stage is set for civil unrest
as member states compete in the eurodivision contest

on one side, we have the ‘troika’, united together
to bail out the banks and balance their side of the ledger
deploying a plethora of new austerity measures
that have brought poverty and misery to many eu areas

while on the left, we have the general populace
which has responded to austerity with a chorus of protest
to learn more we get the latest from the eurodivision contest:
commencing with… – la république hellénique de la grèce!

[greek citizen]
greece in the streets with belief and a molotov c-cktail
we’ll defeat these elite policies, the polis will not fail!
but the euro will, unless berlin approves another bail out
by the way, the bill for your war crimes needs to be paid now

[narrator]
espagne!

[spanish citizen]
we stand with greece! ya basta!
podemos, we can, be free from this eu disaster
children are famished, people are homeless. we have to protest
elites call it chaos. we call this democratic progress

[narrator]
irlande!

[irish citizen]
austerity here has been just as merciless
job losses, corrupt bosses, cuts to public services
water double taxed, leaking m-ss amounts
while the rich slip their riches in swiss bank accounts

[greek citizen]
ehi, malakas, you owe greece money, too
in fact, all of the eu must pay a fee whenever they use
the words “europe” and “democracy”, or we gonna sue!
it’s all greek copyright, and the bill is overdue

[robert foster]
so we’ve heard the p-ssionate verbal
displays of some of the victims which austerity has encircled
now, to learn what the judges make of that, we turn to
the first arbiter: chancellor of germany angela merkel

[angela merkel]
that was just terrible; a drab batch of glandular gurgles
you lack talent, vitality, originality; purpose
angela merkel, the angel of debt, bismarck in this b-tch
queen of the eurozone; holding all the bargaining chips

what is this shit? especially you greeks: arschgeigen!
you want another bailout? first, you need to tighten
your belts: sell your islands, privatize the acropolis
and for fick’s sake, pay your taxes, i’ve had enough this!

and spain! that was lame, you make me smirk
podemos? ‘we can’? ja, you can… get back to work!
and ireland, thanks for trying to display your talent
but the chips are down like the potato famine

listen up euro-peons: the social contract is dead
we said austerity was temporary
but instead it’s your new way of life; so just get used to it now
cheer up: i know how to ruin, i mean run europe… into the ground

[robert foster]
danke schoen, frau merkel. we now join this next
judge on our panel. to share standpoints with us
we welcome the marxist theorist, adroit critic
slovene philosopher and academic, slavoj žižek

[slavoj žižek]
my god, i have to clap hands
at this revolutionary potential! it’s sensual, erotic, like a lap-dance
in a freudian kind of way. you know lacan?
because all this reminds me of the film ‘batman’

that one where the hero arrives to save our rights
but he is actually a capitalist, dressed in armour like
a fascist, or a feudalist… you know: “the dark knight”
and look how they frame the criminals that he starts to fight:

as anarchists, like joker. or as activists, like bane
and so on and so on… and so who is this bruce wayne?
mythologically, you know, he is like a new sort of hades
greek god of the underworld, lord of the wealthy

and his brother zeus kidnapped europa: a cretan
ok, ok, so the hidden message hollywood is leaving is clear then:
first: people of europe, you are all cretins
second: you must just trust your capitalist rulers

even if they look like masked fascists and striding tyrants
because only they can save you from the rising tide of
crime and violence and spiralling cycle of anarchy
but if we look behind the stupid masks using psycho-n-lyses

we see the real criminals are the governments and banks
who have declared a disgusting cl-ss war on the welfare state
but the people of europe have seen the rank scams and imposters
and are in the street saying, “f-ck you, bank-man and robbers”

[robert foster]
hvala, žižek for that intricate marxist syllabus
we now cross over dialectically, in search of a synthesis
to the last judge; a person with influence, presently in charge
of the imf, madame christine lagarde

[christine lagarde]
bonjour, les esclaves, ça va?

[robert foster]
uh… oui… très bon
i love the sex… er… debt-slaves in this competition!
oh là là! so much pain and moaning, it’s quite the turn on
but i think we need to have a little history lesson:

in europe you call it ‘austerity’ but we have another slogan
for the imf it’s known as ‘structural adjustment programs’
and we just love to impose them
in poor third world homelands. check how it goes then:

we lend poor nations money to “-ssist” their “development”
but first some petites little conditions have to be met:
step one: privatisation! sell all public -ssets
next: market liberalisation to attract foreign capitalists;

devaluing their currency and safety standards in their borders
and cutting subsidies for basic needs like fuel, food and water
and once the m-sses starve and are down on their knees…
step three: watch the riots break out in the streets!

[robert foster]
sounds familiar…

[christine lagarde]
what, you don’t like that particular game?
oh, désolée! i didn’t hear you ever object or complain
when we did it to others and you had profits to make

[robert foster]
but why subject your own citizens to these strictures and pain?

[christine lagarde]
because, mon chéri, this is a pyramid scheme
it’s part of the plan: at first we let you live in the dream
but then it’s your turn to get reamed; so now, s’il vous plaît
bend over, relax and enjoy this austérité

[robert foster]
merci. well, we’ve heard from all sides then… oh… wait
it seems the eurodivision contest is not quite over yet…
i’m told there is a late arrival, a wild card entry?
it’s hard to see… it’s… a contestant from…

[narrator]
l’australie

[king brown]
yo i’m dropping in on this competition
to say, on behalf of indigenous mobs and citizens
that austerity is nothing new to all the people living
under centuries of european colonial systems. and we’re still in it

but i’m not here to hate on ya, brothers and sisters
i’m here to cheer on your tough resistance
cuz’ mate, we can see that you too have been colonised
even more than we have, ‘coz at least we can recognise it

[robert foster]
should the people protest and elect?

[king brown]
yep, but don’t forget:
a system cannot fail those it was never meant to protect

[robert foster]
so the solution?

[king brown]
forget occupy. you’ve done enough of that
decolonise europe and do it stat!

[narrator]
l’australie: douze points!

[robert foster]
and with that message we end our coverage
of the eurodivision contest. thanks to all our guests and judges
we’ve witnessed noble acts of rhetoric and courage
bold attacks on systemic power structures

so how do we make sense of this current eu crisis?
is it just economics and budgets? is there a cl-ss war behind it?
or has colonisation, normally aimed at other nations and continents
been redeployed against europe’s own populace?

seeking answers we’ve explored those very narratives
from the streets of madrid and frankfurt, to the kimberleys and athens
where austerity advances and history is happening
stay tuned for more juice, when rap news is back again

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