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julian m. stern - sweatpants and chardonnay lyrics

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[spoken]
a lotta you playas out there probably think you know everything yo’ lady wants. well, i’m bout to tell you a couple things you may not be givin’ em, okay? let’s get to work

[verse 1]

it’s friday night and it’s 9pm and you all alone/
knowin’ you girl, you prob’ly got about 9 dudes who blowin’ up yo phone/

like when we gonna bang, when we gonna hang/
when you make it out, whyncha give me a rang?/
fuck those dudes, they after the same thang/
can’t make time for homies who can’t haaang/

cuz i know wutcha need./
you got the hunger that i got to feed./
you tryna chill, been a hell of a week/
baby, take off your shoes, slip into these/

sweatpants, so comfy/
pillowpet, no lumpy/
i’m ridin’, i got white wine/
i hope you dvr’d nightline/

don’t freshen up, just shut down/
ain’t gotta shave a thing when i come round/
me fuck you, no that takes prep/
just wanna veg and get mad wasted/

don’t mind it, girl you earned it/
wanna watch about time? i burned it/
or we could binge- snacks and orange/
is the new black, relaxin’, actin’ borin’/

[chorus]

like sweatpants and chardonnay/
couch life, no par-tay/
sweatpants and chardonnay/
no bar today, all hargitay/

x2

[verse 2]

while these dummies tryna fb youuu/
we just gettin’ drunk up on some svuuu/

like, mariska. i wanna kiss ya/
step outta line and the sis gon’ frisk ya’/
fresh outta wine, so we switch to the spritza’/
lemon lime is the best- delicious

let’s make gazpacho./
that shit hits the spot, yo/
i kinda wanted something hot, though/
let’s make loaded nachos/

yeah! chips, chicken, cheese/
chop those jalapenos, please/
chuck those mothafuckin’ seeds/
microwave that masterpiece/

fuck a sweet tooth, what i gots’ a meat tooth/
i say i just p-ssed a lil’ gas and you be like, “me too.”/

it’s crazy. platonic shit don’t phase me/
that’s how my mama raised me./
fuck a friend zone./
i’m in the mothafuckin’ bff til i’m mothafuckin’ dead zone/

can’t knock us down if we never get off the so-fa./
can’t b-m us out if we always stay far from so-ba [sober]/
so we live that couch life. middle fingers up; snuggies made a’ teflon./
you know we ain’t bout life. we bout two things. come along if you get on/

[chorus]

[outro]
we ain’t fuckin’, we ain’t touchin’, it’s that good life/
only marathon we rockin’ is the good wife
x2

[spoken]
rip josh charles! free piper! i’m out

- julian m stern lyrics

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