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julian malone - october 20th lyrics

[intro]
i don’t know
i don’t know

[verse 1]
soon as i play this music, i float
into another dimension, filled with greatness and hope
i get relaxed, problems are dirt
and this is my soul
i clean my soul, meditating and creating these flows
it’s so much going bad, don’t know what to fix first
filling h+lla aplications out, trying to get work
tired of asking my mom for her money to fill my gas tank
supposed to have a crib by now, but i still ain’t

[verse 2]
i wonder what i’ll get for my birthday
i just want a little love, to take some of the hurt away
i told everybody i want a mackbook, but that’s reaching
that most likely won’t happen
a whole stack leaving
i know there’s someone out therе who gon’ consider this emo
f+ck you know?
what i’m speaking how it rеally be, yo
it’s like you either gotta be an odd future type
or a super lyrical type
to be considered tight
[verse 3]
i wonder if i’ll see my dad again
i wonder if what i did was considered a sin
last time we spoke, i told that n+gga he a b+tch
’cause he called me a b+st+rd, so i had to call it quits
on tryna respect him
after all of the sh+t he missed
like n+gga, i got bullied
i needed your help
and you wasn’t there
all of the times that i wasn’t well
you wasn’t there
all of the times that i was scared
you wasn’t there

[verse 4]
i remember the day me and my mom moved out of [?]
i wanted to move to [?] city, but that was off the
list of questions, my mom was on her boyfriend
moved to the city, and to that crib, i was poisoned
i hated living there, so i moved out with my sisters
who stayed by the socksville, that place wasn’t no lift up
me and my mama stayed into it
i had a temper
rats all in that crib, so i never left my sis’ room
all i heard was sh+t move, was hungry but had no food
and i mostly be there alone
left out of that crib, the last weeks of summer
back in my mama boyfriend crib
got kicked out in the winter, stayed at my auntie crib
but i wanted to go back
my mom, i missed her
was scared, i was losing her
she was my best friend
but that sh+t helped me progress with this blessing
[verse 5]
soon as i recorded the outro for upstate
my auntie came in the room, told me grandma ain’t ok
mind you, that this was on my birthday
i instantly cried, she can’t go today
luckily, she didn’t, but my day was wrecked
i felt tired, but i couldn’t get any rest
life a mess, got a list of other things going sour
and for this to be appening, i totally lost my power
more scared than a million cowards for the grandma that was our’s
hoping harder than ever, these days ain’t her final hours
i’m at a loss for words
i remember being little, yo
and eating grain with her in the morning eating cerial
got a call from my sister last night
i just seen her, so i know that something ain’t right
speeding through the express way, worried to the fullest
made it to my grandma crib, but i had to wait
my mom pulled up, five minutes after
i got inside her car, and they told me she was gone
the way that everybody was looking
i still can’t believe it, this is crazy, i sware, man, i couldn’t
take it, my heart pumping fast
wishing this was a dream
and that i’ll wake up, and she’s laughing watching tv and eating crackers
but they telling me she gone
only word that could come out out of my mouth was no
i know that she was suffering, but i ain’t want her to go
i still can’t believe that i’m saying that she gone

- julian malone lyrics

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