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kaelar - reflecting after seeing you lyrics

[verse 1]
regrets
got me stuck in bed, but can’t rest, been upset
the longer i’ve been home, man, the more i get depressed
know i should talk more, so time to confess:
i got sh+t twisted, girl, i know i should’ve loved you better
was craving for a change of rail, but never pulled the lever
rationalizing everything, thought i was being clever
instead of being honest, being selfish, me is cеnter
me was feeling good, was lavish living, me was еverything
we was feeling good, but when distracted, we was second thing
i put you in second place often, stopped to never think
never stopped to think how i was throwing ‘way our wedding ring
threw away everything that we had built
‘cuz couldn’t say what i was thinking, how i feel
i caused us pain, a pain i don’t know how to deal with
i was fake, but now i’m trying to be real
you were my second half, now, we don’t even speak
don’t know anything about you
‘cept that you don’t wanna see me
and i get it, oh i get it, girl, believe me
i would hate me too if i were you, i would delete me
that’s what you did and i can’t take it, i can’t even fake it
i’m dying, thinking how i hurt you, knowing i can’t change it
so i keep running ‘way, ‘cuz running circles when i’m staying
too much pain in all these places, so abroad is where i’m aiming
i know i feel this hurt ‘cuz the love was there
i know my actions didn’t show it, but i really cared
the thing is: you did nothing wrong, this sh+t isn’t fair
me breaking your heart, showed me i was selfish, unaware
[reflecting]
never thought i’d see myself the way that i did
never thought i’d f+ck you over like that
and all of that for a

[verse 2]
devilish angel
the way i lost myself in you, i haven’t been able
to forgive myself, ‘cuz i deserve this h+ll, but it’s painful
seeing you reminds me of why i was unfaithful
‘cuz when we talk it just cl!cks
but this is making me sick
never thought we’d be this
i used to love the way you shine
but now feels dark, reminiscing
how we used to talk so openly while wanting a kiss
now all i want is to escape you, but you draw me back in
you felt a hurt i could relate to, ‘cuz i saw it begin
we f+cked up together
afterwards we found us in each other’s errors
but now it feels like i have lost you, ‘cuz you’re doing better
and i’m still stuck in this rut
i can’t get up and it sucks, i just keep f+cking sh+t up
meanwhile i see you smiling, living life, having fun and in love
the only time i can relate now, is f+cked up on drugs, f+ck
and it’s f+cking me up
just wanna talk to you and tell you how i feel, but it’s tough
opened my heart for you, not many people saw me bleeding
but i’m building back these walls, ‘cuz your happiness is all i’m seeing
and it makes me depressed
this sh+t been looping in my mind, but you just seem to forget
and it is you who told i, you needed time to reflect
but now you’re f+cking with that other guy, it doesn’t make sense
and me? i gotta keep to myself
‘cuz it is time for me to grow, but growing pains hurt like h+ll
but still it’s time for me to go, i hope you hear this and think
taking time for yourself is where the healing begins

- kaelar lyrics

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