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kait kerrigan & brian lowdermilk - top ten lyrics

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[kelly]
now, let’s have the ceremony!

[sam]
what ceremony?

[kelly]
uh, the one where you honor me

[sam]
you want a ceremony?

[kelly]
i want a monument, but i’ll settle for a ceremony. honor me!

[sam]
with what?

[kelly]
the top ten ways for kelly manning to die

[sam]
you’re misappropriating it

[kelly]
you cannot stop this
number 10: i go skydiving without a parachute
number 9:
[sam]
old age

[kelly]
lame, impossible
number 8: abducted by aliens with enormous genitalia
seven:

[sam]
kelly eats mentos with diet coke and explodes

[kelly]
now, that’s a d+mn fine way for kelly manning to die
six:

[sam]
she tours the tundra and is swallowed by a yeti
five:

[kelly]
i eat some toenail polish at my mani+pedi
four:

[sam]
hit by a meteor
three:
[kelly]
caught in a gang war
two:

[sam]
kelly likes caffeine and loves a random fling, so one time at a starbucks she makes out with sting. and sting is all like “kelly, i think you should come on tour.” and kelly’s all like…

[kelly]
“i don’t know, is that armani? sure. hahaha.” but then sting gets really clingy and when i say i have to go back to the states, he’s like…

[sam, in british accent]
“i can’t let you go.”

[kelly]
and i’m like “ew, you’re my dad’s age.” and then he makes me listen to his musical. and i’m like “what’s with the ship? why are we building a ship?” but i never find out because i am literally bored to death

[sam]
it was scandalous

[kelly]
but not compared to…

[sam (kelly)]
the number one way (number one way)

[kelly]
hit by a car on the way home from the library!
[sam]
kelly…

[kelly]
if only i’d never cracked open a book

[sam]
shut up!

[kelly]
fine. not ready to face your demons? go ahead, sit in that memory swirl for a while

[memory swirl, overlapping voices]

- kait kerrigan brian lowdermilk lyrics

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