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karacter - confessions lyrics

[intro]
yo
no matter how many people said it’s not my fault
i’m guilty
for all the voices
all the thoughts
all my choices

[chorus]
god i know you had punished me for what i’ve done
it’s my lessons, it’s my lessons
and i’m so grateful to be here with every one
count my blessings, count my blessings
of all these things i’ve asked you everyday
they’re my questions, they’re my questions
please forgive me and here’s what i have to say
my confessions, my confessions

[verse 1]
hey dad remember me? james, your son
it’s been so long i can no longer recall what your face looks like
man that takes what like four years, and nope not a day goes by that i’m not counting
wow
must a thought about you a hundred thousands
times in this year alone
but it’s those memories that i look back on
none of those happy moments captured by a camera
i tried to find a photo of you and there’s no album
just scr-pped pictures of the family where my mom had cut you out them
honest, i want nothing more than my kids to have there grand father, and there dad, and there mamma, a perfect family
i won’t let happen to them what had happened to me
i’m nervous
but it’s important to know i didn’t do this on purpose
i was born in to a broken home
didn’t even know marriage was supposed to work with
two people until i went to my friends home and no one was cursing
then suddenly something that was broke tuned even worse
and i could see each flaw in the family perfect
now when something you have is broken in half you try to fix it as best as you can
but sometimes your just too young to understand
for example
when i was younger people asked me what i wanted to be
i’d tell em
“i don’t know, i just want to go play right now so leave me alone”
but now that i’ve grown
if anybody asked id tell em
“i want to be a dad as good as my own”
so maybe my kids can know the things that i know
but all that i know is there’s nothing i feel i could say or do
f-ck if it’s been four years last may or june
time never will heal this wound
i just need to hear your voice one more time, and to tell the truth
i never meant to leave with out saying good bye
and how selfish was i man
i didn’t even realize that that would be the last time i saw him smiling
the last time i heard one of his corny jokes
mean while i’m hanging out with my friend caden playing dead island on his xbox
spending my last few days waiting out the clock
checking my wrist watch, just waiting to go home
didn’t want to see my father cause i was so p-ssed off
i thought he was lying so f-ck it
wasted my last day with him packing my luggage
so i could lug it to the air port and move to costa rica
should’ve never had to leave ya
but gee
this is what we got
and i’m scared to come back, cause one day i’ll be on your door step and i’ll knock
i fear that when you open up you’ll hesitate you’ll just stop, then push me away
slam the door in my face and then lock it
but god

[verse 2]
cause i’ve said some things
and done some things i can never take back
that’s just the way life is they say
“you live and you learn from those mistakes man”
but what if for just a second you dropped the act
and cut the cr-p?
this ain’t no bad relation ship d-mn it
sh-t, we’re talking about my dad
and i’m confessing to all the thoughts i had
talking back, and talking bad behind your back
i’m so mother stalking sorry dad
a stuck up kid
i don’t even know what the f-ck you did
to deserve that att-tude
i take it back
but there’s no one that can ever put it back but you
has to be you
and as of the truth
two weeks after i moved i wasn’t even mad at you, but there wasn’t anything i could gosh d-mn do
but people tell me they don’t know how a father could go without seeing their child
mean while i’m acting all innocent shrugging my shoulders for em
“yeah, i don’t how”
talk like i got thrown out of the house, when i ran away
in fact he was at work when he founded this out
and after all the tantrums
more sh-t i caused him and then some
at one point i actually told him i didn’t love him no more
that’s messed up coming from his own son
guess that split us up and put a chasm between us
and no matter how hard we tried it had always happened between us
which is why after all this time i can’t imagine you’re grieving, waiting to receive a phone call
why can’t i believe you would do this?
maybe i gotta see to believe in this situation
but i wouldn’t hesitate to take the next plane out
if you accept me back as your son
i can appreciate more than a moon
and the world undoubtedly, knows i want to shout, and pout
“sorry for walking out”
haha
typically in the father and son situation it’s the other way around
but i ain’t proud of running
running my mouth
hopping on a plane before you got to say good bye
but i wonder why you never wondered why
why didn’t you try to call, did your cell phone f-cking die?
papa, i wouldn’t blame you if you never thought to try
after the way that i may have acted
but answer me this;
how many birthdays have i missed?
how many father days have i missed?
still wonder why’d i walk away from all this
to go from heaven and bliss to blades to your wrists metaphorically it’s as basic sh-t get’s
when that depression and boredom wave hits
your on the floor in eight million bits
wait a minute
i’m to weak to get up
my legs are feeble, as i walk to the booth to confess to evil
even with jesus in my mind, i still feel heavens a needle away so beat up
all these people with their eagle eyes on me to critique my speech and my procedures
cause they think what i’ve done
is simply just a personal demon
but here i’m on my knees, beneath your angels asking forgiveness in this cathedral

[outro]
so help me
please tell me what i’ve done doesn’t make me a bad person

- karacter lyrics

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