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kay (karan panchal) - melancholy (logic under pressure remix) lyrics

intro:
melancholy isn’t exactly a word on everybody’s lips. but we should pay more attention to it. melancholy is a species of sadness that arises when we are open to the fact that life is inherently difficult… modern society tends to emphasize buoyancy and cheerfulness but we have to admit that reality is, for the most part, about grief and loss. melancholy is an underused word. it doesn’t mean grim and miserable. it means grasping without rage the fact that the world is full of folly and greed that it is rare to find inner peace, that it is hard to live comfortably with those we love, that it’s very unusual to have a career that’s both financially rewarding and morally uplifting!
that many decent people have a very hard time
often sadness simply makes a lot of sense…

part 1

hook:
work so f-cking much, my greatest fear is i’ma die alone
ain’t no diamond in my chain yet, that’s a milestone
people calling me asking up for favors, but the only thing i’ma give you motherf-ckers is the…

verse:
kay has to deal
with what i’m gonna put up!
oh no, he has to deal
i’m all on his mind plotting catastrophic affil
iations with someone inside me, my demonic will
this ain’t him rapping, he’s so far less agonic to k!ll!
i been lurking, since 16 i been deserted, working my way out with only a purpose; to hate!
i’m intense when i’m flexing the anger, rest does not actually hit, my head’s in the clouds, my thoughts roll into sp-ce!
sh-t, it’s so often. f-ck it, i’m blood-coughing
yo, offer me instrumentals, there’s a lot that i gotta speak
rappers wanna collab with him, he might just say that he’s busy
but i’ll spill the truth out for him, all you motherf-ckers are weak!
since token of dopeness, ya’ll saw i’m not fooling
my train of thoughts go out loosening
who’da thought i’ll be doing this with a weight on my conscience, my fear is all what i’m choosing
to put it all in my music
it’s food for thought for you doofuses, huh!
but no, i let it go! i never settle, no
when i do i get caught up into the lows
my canvas is half painted with blood all up on the floor
i thought i was healing, but it detrimented my soul!
i’m cold, talking the heat, i’m finna shine
“hey don’t think about it kay, & brother you will be fine.”
thanks, right? you got it sorted, i’m rocking!
i’m drunk & all i’m talking is sh-t, really do think i’m alright?
i’m not!

[hook]
work so f-cking much, my greatest fear is i’ma die alone
ain’t no diamond in my chain yet, that’s a milestone…
people calling me asking up for favors, but the only thing i’ma give you motherf-ckers is the dial tone…

[part 2]

-dial tone-

[pre-chorus]
(h-llo, no one is available to take your call)
i’ve been working hard, i been searching for god
i’ve been working hard, i been searching for god
(please leave a message after the tone)

verse 1 :
clumsed as i sleep with all these thoughts in my brain
’til i wake up in the morning, rushing i hop on a train
bumping music, i’m mushing through like couple dogs off the chain
staring at each other thinking if it’s so hard to contain?
“rest up!”
no way, i’m working! bosses all on my a
my coffee mug’s hit the 4th refill, i’m hard on my veins
scratching to depths of my conscience, this cycle’s often to stay
a 9 to 5 victim, underpaid with no right to complain
like my ex-girl; oh lady i was hurt! you just walked
away from me like you did, i wish i wasn’t so soft
but it’s okay! we were just youngins then
how often we talk? we do
all of these years, i done seeked for myself all through the blue!
but, then i tripped & i landed, loving this girl
that i had a thing for i turned & i said it
hoping we’d work & not sham it
vibing so much like we had it going
but something had her stranded, like
“i’m hurt in the past, so i…”
“oh no no no, i understand it!”
maybe, i thought it too far, too far for it to hold me
never thought i’d be back looking for love ’cause i was lonely
conversating in-depth, like a puddle that’s trying to know me
to turn into a pool that would later hold me & console me…
overthinking, i’m thinking, i’m thinking, i’m thinking to let it blow me
against this clock, i’m running for closure to hove me
my career, my dreams, will i make it?
god, would you show me?
anxiety! you know me…
i’ve been feeling under pressure (x2)

-dial tone-

verse 2 :
hey dad
i know you been worried if i’m doing alright or not
lately i’ve been having this thought running my mind a lot
like, what’s a man supposed to do when he’s caught up into a trawl of expectations? does he end up on a frying pot?
man i don’t know, i seek help often
& maybe i know why our relationship keeps running often so crazy
guess hesitation… but we get back to normal & i hope you know that i love you as much i do to maa, oh my lady!
but lately i’ve been seeing myself falling off, & so quick to
give up on everything i’ve worked so hard to get fixture
all of these lights blinding my vision, so the dark is what whispers
my anxiety rising, so i resort to this liquor!
getting drunk ’til i piffle & lay my mind on a stretcher
so i can stop the thinking, but i end up thinking the mess i’ve
made of myself, then wake up with a head full of questions!
about that time; i remember, when i talked to venessa, she said…
“it’s not for you to feel so cold & devise
to empathize for everybody, & what’s wrong in their lives
loneliness is so dissonant, love yourself in the time
please keep your heart safe, kay! it’s about time you feel fine”
some days it ain’t so hard
sometimes it feels so vague
it’s often told that depression’s a villainous state
how could i possibly hit the bottom & not agree?
how can i get rid of the villain? that villain is me!
back when i ain’t had a dime
& now i’m floating with gills
swimming in this water, i’m chasing money… ‘know how it feels?
like i’m walking a tight rope, responsibilities k!lling me
negativity; is all that’s into me!
you thought that i like it? it is not what i’m trying to say
but i had my demons standing with me, when i talked about pain!
wrote it all, let it out, recorded & sang
my music is my medicine to cope onto my brain!
overthinking an old text, then i’m dropping my sane
then they ask me how i’m doing & walk with a grin
my mom’s wondering, “what’s he talking, man what is he saying?”
i’ve been running away from all that i was chasing, maa!

i’ve been working hard, i’ve been searching for god
i can feel the devil around me as they all applaud…
my perception for myself is not what i thought!
i thought it had it all figured, but motherf-cker i’ve been under pressure…
i’ve been feeling under pressure!

[outro]
what doesn’t k!ll me, does surely heal me…
oh na na na na na na na na na (running for closure)

- kay karan panchal lyrics

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