ken theriot - the feast lyrics
i’m never late for dining in the feast hall
when dinner’s called, i hasten to my seat
it’s not that i’m assuming
that the meal will be a treat
but the first things on the table
may be all i have to eat
the bread and cheese are laid out on the table
and b+tter, honeyed, mixed with herbs, or straight
i’ll tuck into them greedily
and pile them on my plate
for then there’ll be no room
and they’ll believe me when i state…
[chorus] i’m sure the next remove’s not on my diet
i see that i cannot identify it
[i’ll pass on all the slimy stuff
and anything with peas]
just give me bread and b+tter, and cheese
there must have been a special on cilantro
or why else would it be in every dish?
they’ve cooked enough for armies
you can take all that you wish
but how much can you eat
of boiled snouts and pickled fish?
i never knew that you could do that with a turnip
to eat it would be really such a crime
there’s something green that’s floating
in a milky pool of slime
my lord, please pass the basket
with the bread here one more time…
[chorus] i’m sure the next remove’s not on my diet
i see that i cannot identify it
[i’ll pass on all the slimy stuff
and anything with peas]
just give me bread and b+tter, and cheese
[the rancid meat’s more period
it helps keep down the fleas]
the cook went over budget on the peac+ck
that’s why we’re getting gruel with every course
they say the candied herring
soaked in mead’s authentic norse
this roasted meat is not half bad
but where’s the prince’s horse?
i don’t know how they got that shade of purple
i can’t begin to guess what’s in the pies
the fish head stew’s okay
but did they need to leave the eyes?
and will our waivers cover us when everybody dies?
[chorus] i’m sure the next remove’s not on my diet
i see that i cannot identify it
[i’ll pass on all the slimy stuff
and anything with peas]
just give me bread and b+tter, and cheese
[just take the sheep’s head right back
to the kitchen, will you please?]
the suckling pig is only raw in places
i guess a bite of cabbage wouldn’t hurt
they say it’s more nutritious
if you don’t wash off the dirt
at least the next remove is safe—
how can they wreck dessert?
there’s something frittered (best not look too closely)
and sugared eggplant jiggling in the heat
the pie looks just like cherry
but it’s really made with beet
just pass the honey b+tter
and i’ll have my something sweet!
[chorus] i’m sure the next remove’s not on my diet
i see that i cannot identify it
[i’ll pass on all the slimy stuff
and anything with peas]
just give me bread and b+tter, and cheese
[and if i ever win the crown
we’re going for chinese!
but ’til then just pass the b+tter
let the cook’s guild moan and mutter
and bring me bread and b+tter, and cheese!]
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