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khaos light - therapy v. identity lyrics

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verse 1:

when i was 12
my moms second son, my uncle died
but last week he was with us
breathing and alive

my mom practically raised him
growing up he did praise her
in the end his death cut deeper
then any knife or razor

i placed upon my skin
the sin upon my skin
won’t k!ll whats deep within
just fuel the fire
and desire
to bleed more and reach my messiah

months after his death
i would still cry about him during cl-ss
ask for a hall p-ss
teacher says stop being a disruptive -ss

that’s an exaggeration
but i asked my mom
“hey mom, when will the pain stop?”
she look at me and said “i don’t know”
which i knew meant “it might not”

my moms superwoman
but this time there’s no answer to my question
ever since then my life has been plunged into guessing

we moved to virginia
my uncles home town
guess fate wanted us to wait
in a pained state

i had a dad fighting in iraq
go to white schools so i don’t feel black
always p-ssed ready to attack
suicide always on my back

i was a hopeless romantic
screaming and frantic
for someone to understand
the state i was in
the black girls would say
that im just not hood enough
the white girls would say
you’re just not good enough

i mean you’re cute for a black guy
why do you have to be black
if you weren’t that
just white instead
id like you a lot more
maybe then we cud be wed
that sh-t messed up my f-cking head

now im in the bathroom
staring at the mirror
begging god to change me
rearrange me

with a lighter tone
so i wouldn’t be ashamed of what i owned

make the girls like me
make the guys not want to fight me
why is there no one else like me

god are you there
can’t you see that i’m dying

chorus:
i’m afraid therapy will take away my ident-ty
if i spoke calmly would you really hear me
im afraid therapy will take away my ident-ty
call me oedipus, ill gauge out my eyes, so that i won’t see

- khaos light lyrics

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