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king missile - i'm sorry lyrics

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no, i never was in vietnam
i never once dove into an empty swimming pool
i never let the carpet walk right out from under me
i never painted a house or a tree

i never did become an exotic dancer
or a customer service representative
i never took the pulse of a dying duck
or gave mouth to mouth resuscitation to a horsefly

in a way i s’pose you could say
my experience is quite limited

for example, i never locked oliver cromwell in a broom closet
while singing waltzing matilda
i never sawed a television in half
although i once saw wendy o’williams saw a guitar

i never played a decent game of jacks
i never played poker with a toothless one eyed pirate
who kept picking his t–th with a bowie knife
to distract me while his parrot looked over my shoulder
and told him what cards i had
by using an elaborate code involving
vomiting, chirping and sea shanties

i never bought a lamp
wait i did buy a lamp once
but i never bought a lantern or a lambskin prophylactic

i never bought lima beans or lime pudding
i never bought a lion or a lionel richie album
i never bought anything beginning with the letter “l”
except lollipops, lightbulbs and lettuce…and the lamp

i never laid down for a nap
and found the everly brothers in bed with me
i never let a cyborg take out the garbage

i’m sorry i stole the radio
i did it
i sawed the legs off the periodic table
i re-elected the president

i did it, it was my fault
i farted in the church
i’m sorry i did many many bad things
and i am so sorry

- king missile lyrics

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