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krystal evette - to be honest lyrics

(intro)
that’s what it boils down to
casual greetings, hide thoughts that are fleeting
but, how am i, really?
i’ve been hiding the truth cuz it’s not so appealing
i’m supposed to be healing
but all i’ve done is lost with the cards that they’ve been dealing
might not be ideal but
it’s time that i tell you how i’m really feeling

(verse one)
tonight i walked up to the mirror with a knife
put it up to my neck, i was ready to slice
every pain that i’ve felt, it was fresh on my mind
and if my blood spilled, it’s not like it’s mine
got my mother in me, her life trapped in my veins
all the nights she’d stay up and for me she would pray
hoped through all of the bad that the good would outweigh
but there isn’t a god who’d take this hurt away

(verse two)
and trust me i tried, every night i still plead
to whatever is out there, hope it hears my screams
can’t it hear my voice shake while i sob on my knees?
can’t it give me a break? see it’s something i need?
it’s hard to have faith, i don’t even have hope
they say it gets better, that sounds like a trope
cuz who would want something that’s already broke?
and how can i keep on when i barely cope?
(verse three)
been ravaged my fools but i carry that shame
as each hour passes, my brain shifts the blame
i’ve considered a gun, but don’t quite have the aim
i’d leave myself maimed but still stuck in the game
starting to accept i could live till i’m old
i’m worn and i’m torn and i’m ready to fold
and i’ve never been one to do what i’m told
but maybe if i did, i’d have someone to hold

(verse four)
left side of the bed, maybe my biggest void
all this trauma made my dreams of love get destroyed
it’s all that i’ve wanted since playgrounds and toys
but wound up the play thing for sinister boys
my heart became prey, was caged like an animal
chopped liver treatment from some wannabe cannibal
created confusion, these feelings infrangible
guess it’s my fault for craving something tangible

(verse five)
but at least i have friends that i’ve gained through the years
i’ve given shoulders, they won’t give me an ear
why even say that i’m hurt? give my pillows my tears
perception distorted, but intentions are clear
all i’ve been is an object asking to be used
pick me up, wear me out, then distain is profuse
so instead, i’ve retreated, become a recluse
it’s clear i’m barely even human to you
(verse six)
and yeah, there’s been ups, i’ve tasted success
maybe i have moved forward, but have i progressed?
maybe what i show could be one to profess
but at the end of the day, i’m far from impressed
i’ve had things i could toast to, the glasses went clink
but nothing fills the void, no matter how much i drink
it all feels like a blip, could be gone in a blink
i can’t capture it all when the paper meets ink

(bridge)
got my surgeries, in some ways complete
i’m supposed to be happy, still dragging my feet
i’m still disappointed by men that i meet
they show that they care and then they show deceit
why does it feel like i need someone just to feel whole?
i offer my heart, they just rip out my soul
and all of this hurt’s taken so much a toll
that i can’t celebrate, no matter the goal

(break)
it feels like this p+ssy’s a void i can’t fill
could let someone in, but don’t think that i will
tired of using my body like another sk!ll
so i guess i’m alone, guess i’m at a standstill
these thoughts getting loud at the fork in the road
i can’t make a choice, my brain’s bout to explode
a kiss from the reaper would help me unload
but they won’t let me die, so now i’ll just erode
(outro)
that’s what it boils down to
it feels like i’m dying, but forced to keep trying
they say that i’m flying
but if i say that i’m falling then n0body’s buying
sorry i can’t keep lying
it’s hard to be honest, hate to sound like i’m whining
but it’s hard to keep fighting
it’s consumed me so long, time to put it in writing

- krystal evette lyrics

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