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kt (rapper) - to my former self lyrics

intro:
yeah, i just wanted to dedicate this song to my former 19 year old self, because we don’t really know the person we’re going to be like until we actually become that person
yo, check it out

hook 1:
not really sure how to feel about it
something in the way you move
it makes me feel like i can’t live without you
it takes me all the way

verse 1:
one day i prayed that i could stay
it’s a shame that i strayed the other way
’cause the one i used to walk on was paved
the same lane that changed me to be saved
so i began to educate teens in sunday
school to make christ their main aim
but in the same way
lately it shaked me that my faith was disintegrating
so to my former me, you informed me to conforming to christianity
but your faith to leap in order to believe was based on subjectivity
now i’m actively thinking if the truth is objectively in reality
my mentality is now disorganized like entropy so i’m eventually…

hook 2:
…not really sure how to feel about it
something in the way you move
it makes me feel like i can’t live without you
it takes me all the way
and i want you to stay

verse 2:
now i’m so confused
these arguments seem overused
but i can conclude
that i couldn’t use a higher dose of faith to escape my doubts, even when i tried to overshoot
my doubts were sharp so they pierced like puncture wounds
when they close they keep opening
my dopamine
levels rise when i cling to christ, my only hope again
i’ll try to cope again
but i’ve reached the end of the rope again
my only thread not to be spiritually dead
and reach the end is to find some christian friends
in a community, to build up my faith immunity
and i hope that god would use me
to support the body, and bring you and me some unity
so gradually, i began to lead
i matured in spirituality, and actually
i believed in the word infallibly and undoubtedly
my doubts, i guess, had my faith to the test
but l’m iess sure what effects it has
the semester ends
with me leading worship and even leading the messages
my affection has
increased so you’ll see me chilling in the 12th floor nexus
and next week
gabe, george, jeff and i, we exegete the book of exodus

hook 3
ohh, the reason i hold on
ohh, ’cause i need this hole gone
it’s funny you’re the broken one but i’m the only one who needed saving
’cause when you never see the light it’s hard to know which one of us is caving

verse 3
sometimes, i wonder why
i’ve become the same guy i’ve scrutinized
but i’m more surprised
that i reached this low point in my spiritual life
but i’ve compromised
my very own beliefs in christ
i’m in a demise
but outside i look fine
but why i’m just tryna find
the truth, but what if it’s always suppressed
so i do think it’s an impossible task
but i choose to pursue but it leaves me so stressed
so my view of it is to say i know less
but i’m such a mess
so my former self: i’ve let you down, so hear me out
that i’ve gone about, now travelling down
in the state of chaos and doubt
that you preached to others out-loud
and people went down that same route
so you reached out to lighthouse
to support, give and to get help
but now i sit down and i think to myself
if i think i believed and i said with my mouth
but that now i am saved but that i don’t know how
but i still i made the choice to go drop my faith now
wow, i wonder how come
i lack the strength to out run
this race my doubt has now won
and the outcome is my mountain
of faith, has crumbled to piles of ash
so i think my faith has just grown up too fast
so i blame myself but i can’t change my past
so i think, i might revert back to god’s plan
so lighthouse, to the girls and guys
i apologize cuz i’ve compromised
if i do try to turn back to christ
i’d be surprised ‘cause you know that i’ve
fallen down like a domino
to save me it’d be phenomenal
if he does i might be a prodigal
son, but to god nothing is impossible

hook 4
not really sure how to feel about it
something in the way you move
it makes me feel like i can’t live without you
it takes me all the way
i want you to stay. stay
and i want you to stay

- kt rapper lyrics

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