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kunt and the gang - meet the matthews lyrics

di –
‘allo there, i’m detective inspector george radgitt. i’ve been in yorkshire police force for 40 years, man and boy. now i’ve seen some unusual cases in my time as a copper, like that bloke who k!lled his little brothers kestrel. but out of all the cases i’ve been involved with, none is more bizarre than the disappearance of little shannon matthews aged 9, who went missing after a swimming lesson in dewsbury

little l-ss, swimming pool. well i’d normally make that ‘pimms o’clock’ around len fairclough’s house, but he’d kicked the bucket around 10 years previous. so unless he’d been noncing from beyond t’grave. it couldn’t have been him
got us thinking though, was there a paedo in speedos on t’loose? or had she just run away after an argument with her family, who frankly was so dysfunctional that they made the fritzls look like t’brady bunch

(music cue)

karen:
thank f-ck for that craig, that’s the last of kids off to school
i said, thank f-ck for that craig, that’s the last of kids off to school!
i said…

craig:
alright, i f-cking heard you the first time
what do you want me to do karen?
pull my pants and trousers down, stick a cigar in the end of me c-ck and do a little jig

k:
even some kind of run would f-cking do
i don’t know what’s so interesting on that computer of yours, but whenever you’re on it it’s like i’m f-cking invisible. can you see me? h-llo! can you see me?!?

c:
‘course i f-cking can. christ, my eye sight might be bad. but i’m hardly going to miss a fat ginger walrus dancing around right around my f-cking nose!

[karen slaps craig]

c:
f-ck off!

k:
you f-ck off. you ain’t even meant to be here. ain’t you got work today?

c:
and you have a go at me for not for paying attention. i told ya already i’m on lates today. new manager of fish counter swapped all shifts around

k:
oh great! you’ll be rolling in at 10 o’clock at night smelling like a bag lady’s sn-tch

c:
aye i will. and if you ever done a day’s f-cking work instead of lazing about on the sofa all day with two fingers up your vag. i might bother my -rs- listening to what you’re going on about

k:
what do i need to go to work for? work’s for mugs. mugs like you going out at 8 o’clock in’t morning in your tw-tty uniform with a f-cking name badge on. “craig. happy to help” you? f-cking happy to help? that’s a f-cking joke for starters!

c:
up yours! women like a man in uniform

k:
yeah, when it’s a f-cking chippendale dressed up as a fireman not a supermarket fish monger. that hat makes you look like a right c-nt

c:
up your f-cking -rs-!

k:
up your f-cking -rs-, sp-ckrel! it’ll be a cold day in h-ll before you see me serving up haddock for 3 and a half quid an hour

- kunt and the gang lyrics

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