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kxllinme - grizzly man lyrics

[intro: radio host]

my whole life felt like a waiting room

waiting for somebody to save me

waiting for an apology

waiting for sh+t to make sense

waiting for somebody to finally say

“yeah, what happened to you was f+cked up.”

then one day it hit me…

n0body was coming

not my family

not my friends

not some magical f+cking breakthrough

n0body
and weirdly enough…

that was the most freeing thing i ever learned

’cause if n0body’s coming to save me…

then n0body gets to tell me who the f+ck i’m supposed to be either

[verse 1]

i been last my whole life, feel likе 30’s still my 20’s
whole life second placе, like the universe don’t want me
six years for a license, sh+t embarrassing to say
had to beg for help and still they never showed the way

so i’m riding dirty, learning lessons on my own
heart racing every mile, gripping tighter on the wheel alone
yeah, that echo never fades
every favor turned to silence when i needed them for days

they don’t feel the urgency that’s building in my chest
it ain’t just me no more, i can’t afford to rest
got a kid on the way, got a store i gotta run
40 hours every week, still they treat me like i’m none

like i ain’t doing enough, like i’m slipping on my grind
while i’m carrying their weight, got their problems on my spine
i’m parenting my parents, that’s some backwards type of pain
raised by ’em, now i raise ’em, we just stuck inside a chain
every “can you help me?” feel like pressure on my throat
every time i say “no,” i feel guilt inside my bones
ain’t n0body checking if i’m good or if i’m straight
they just see i handle pressure so they pile on the weight

but i’m cracking at the edges, i can feel it in my tone
every night i sit in silence feeling less like my own
mind racing, heart pacing, like i’m trapped inside a loop
if i fall, who gon’ catch me? i got no parachute

they dragging feet, i’m sprinting, trying not to collapse
got my future in my hands but it keep getting taxed
i’m getting tired of this sh+t, feel it deep in my gut
one more push or i might really say i’m done, f+ck it

not because i don’t care, it’s ’cause i care way too much
gave my last to the world, now i’m losing my touch
trying to build something real while i’m breaking apart
still showing up every day with a hole in my heart

[bridge]

if i show weakness, if i retreat, i may be hurt
i may be k!lled
i must hold my own for once
there is weakness—they will exploit it
they will take me out
[hook wilted.hymm]

i been last my whole life, now i’m first in my lane
carried all that weight, now i’m breaking them chains
if it cost me my peace, i ain’t paying that bill
i chose me this time—yeah, i mean that for real

[verse 2]

why the f+ck it always them before i even exist?
turned me into a lake, now i’m drowning in a wish
all them wishes i was making got me stuck in regret
tryna redo every moment i ain’t live for myself

they had me moving too fast, i was running on fumes
carrying all of they weight while i’m digging my tomb
sometimes i wonder if i died at like 25
would they cry or just rewrite it like i never survived?

like i never made it back from that trip i was on
like i vanished in the cold and just became a song
midwest treadwell with the wolves in the night
no camera crew, just me and everything that’ll bite

that was real—had steel pressed up to my dome
over lies they created, over sh+t i ain’t own
they twisted my name just to feel like they matter
and i almost lost my life over somebody’s pattern

that’s what burn in my chest, that’s what keep me awake
not the fear of the gun, it’s the weight of the fake
how i turned on myself like i wasn’t worth sh+t
like i owed them a debt for a lie i ain’t commit

nah, f+ck that—i’m done eating blame that ain’t mine
done breaking my back just to keep them in line
done playing the role where i suffer in silence
while they benefit off of my self+made violence

yeah, the dam f+cking broke, now it’s flooding the floor
all that pressure i held, i ain’t holding no more
this titanic hit ice, i ain’t patching the leak
let it sink, let it drown, i’m done being the weak

i ain’t saving n0body if it cost me my breath
i done stared in the mirror and got cool with my death
so what the f+ck they gon’ do that’s worse than me?
i survived my own mind—they ain’t scaring me

now it’s different, i’m cutting whatever don’t fit
if they drain me, they gone, i ain’t arguing sh+t
got a kid on the way, i refuse to repeat
all the cycles that broke me and put me beneath

so yeah, i’m choosing me—even if it feel wrong
even if every voice say i don’t belong
i’d rather stand on my own than keep losing my soul
they ain’t dragging me back—i’m in control

[outro wilted.hymm]

“i’m choosing me…”

“i’m choosing me…”
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- kxllinme lyrics

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