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kxllinme - playing with matches lyrics

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verse

i remember bein’ 18 (18!)
out in the sticks doin’ dumb sh+t (dumb sh+t!)
sniffin’ that ye like i’m blessin’ my lungs
prayin’ god ain’t watchin’ the mess i become (please don’t see!)

yeah this life got an end (mph don’t end)
i thought i was hard (ain’t built for this!)
but truth is i was soft tryna flex like a vet
whole chest hollow like a bad+ass skit (weak boy skrrt!)

tryna break a cycle but creatin’ another one
(generational curses on god!)
playin’ with matches in a house full of trauma
wonderin’ why my whole soul caught fire (burnt up!)

let’s pray i don’t have kids ‘causе that’d be sh+tty
(f+ck dem kids!)
i’d hand ‘em advicе i never once lived
talkin’ wisdom with a brain that’s split (hypocrite!)

on my griselda sh+t tryna pretend i’m a shark
but i’m more like a raccoon diggin’ pain in the dark
still, when the beat hit? d+mn this sh+t go hard
(sh+t fuego!)
i rap like regret got a seat at the booth
like my sins drop ad+libs whenever i speak truth
talk tough ‘til the mirror clap back with receipts
(show the footage!)

but i spit ‘cause it’s real—not to pose for a pic
tryna stitch all the holes where my past still leaks
hopin’ someday i’ll grow into the man i tweet—
on god… i’m tryna break free
(eh—someday!)

hook

aiyyo—
i break cycles, make cycles, same curse, same dirt
(uh+huh)
thought i was hard ‘til the pain hit first
(boom boom boom)
tryna outrun god but i’m stuck in reverse—
(aye)
pray i never have kids… i’d just pass ‘em the hurt
(f+ck dem kids)

skit

cash:
look—it wasn’t chaos all the time
people love exaggerating sh+t once it’s over
there were good days
there were stretches where things worked
and when it didn’t?
i handled that sh+t

somebody had to be the adult
somebody had to keep it from gettin’ worse
that doesn’t make me trapped—
that makes me reliable

i knew what the f+ck i was walking into
i wasn’t blind
i just didn’t panic like everybody else

and yeah, maybe it cost me sleep
maybe it cost me peace
but that’s what being f+cking solid looks like, right?

people leave the second it gets uncomfortable
i stayed
that says something about me

besides…
if i walk away now
i gotta admit i chose wrong
and i don’t f+ck up like that

so nah
i’m not “playing with matches.”

i’m just not scared of fire

- kxllinme lyrics

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