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kyle kallgren - kyle lyrics

kyle: brows held high, my respected web show
i opine for a couple bucks
brows held high, everybody loves it
all my colleagues say…
pushing up roses: it sucks!
bennett the sage: it sucks!
todd in the shadows: it sucks!
last angry geek: it sucks!
nostalgia critic: it sucks!

kyle: in 1946 the reich had fallen
and france no longer said “sieg heil!”
and from this new status quo
came a man named jean cocteau
and he made a fairy tale…
linkara: good morning, kyle!

(spoken)
kyle: good morning monsieur!
linkara: where are you off to?
kyle: reviewing a movie. i found the most wonderful story about the nature of love and the creative process and an allusion to orpheus…
linkara: that’s nice. viga! more cybermats! hurry up!

nash, film brain and rap critic: look there he goes
he thinks he’s smart or something
a most pretentious cinephile
obscurus lupa: with a condescending gaze
phelous: and an allergy to praise
all five: what a brows-held-highfalutin pr-ck, that kyle!

chris the nerd: it sucks!
ianonne: it blows!
miss nightmare: it raped my childhood!
mikey insanity: it’s bad!
media hunter: it’s worse!
linkara: it’s uwe boll!
rosenhacker: it’s dumb!
shea: it’s weird!
r.l. king: it’s got ben affleck!
kyle: it delves into a tortured artist’s soul!

(spoken)
all three: what?
rosenhacker: how is this art?
r.l. king: artists have souls?
shea: i can torture sam kieth?!

diamanda hagan: he only touches films we’ve never heard of
can you believe he has such guile?
omega geek: why should we cl!ck on a link
if we don’t know what to think?
both: no, i just don’t understand the ways of kyle

kyle: oh, it needs no announcing
just how many hearts this tale has moved
ev’n if they fail pr-nouncing
the name “gabrielle-suzanne barbot de villeneuve”

paw: h-llo, i’m paw and now it’s time for best/worst!
the best is obviously me!
and the worst is yonder sn0b
who disliked les misérables
do i really have to spell it out?
chorus: i think you have to spell it out
paw and chorus: alright, let’s spell it out! k-y-l-e!

jerk: in 1991 the mouse was thriving
with eisner, katzenberg and wells
when the studio unveiled
a new-fangled fairy tale
with a story line that rang a couple belles….

fangirl chorus: hey look! some jerk!
he’s got a camera!
who’s he? dunno
i thought you knew
i think he does
reviews of disney
i’ve never seen his show so i’ve no clue

last angry geek: it sucks!
pushing up roses: it blows!
todd in the shadows: it’s cr-p!
bennett the sage: it’s sh-t!
nostalgia critic: it’s worse than cancer!
last angry geek: it’s overrated!
pushing up roses: it’s meh!
bennett the sage: it’s drek!
todd in the shadows: it’s bleh!
last angry geek: it’s wack!
pushing up roses: i feel unclean!
kyle: so let’s review!
sampled vocal: it stinks!
last angry geek: it hurts!
todd in the shadows: it’s h-ll!
bennett the sage: i hate!
nostalgia critic: it has no answers!
pushing up roses: it’s not that good!
kyle: a timeless masterpiece of silver screen!
jerk: i’ll make that guy review a film we’ve seen!

chorus: look over there at the annoying douchebag
who puts the artsy cr-p on trial!
what a wretched human bein’!
insane ian: i like him!
jerk: shut up, ian!
kyle: for my show’s next cinematic feast
i’m doing beauty and the beast!
jerk: well ya better do it right at least!

chorus: he’s kyyyyyyyyyle!
it sucks! it sucks! it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks!

- kyle kallgren lyrics

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