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kyle spratt - suicide note lyrics

[verse 1]
staring at my food but i can not eat it
laying in my bed but i am not sleeping
crying in my room and i keep it top secret
because people tell me they care but they do not mean it
i’m cut open, even though i am not bleeding
my heart’s broken, so i’mma make it stop beating
someone runs in the room and screams
“he’s not breathing!”
i’m rushed to the hospital to have a doc treat it
but he cannot beat it, there’s no time at all
cause i just popped some pills with some tylenol
and 3 bottles of antidepressants, and sambuca
40 ounces, got k!lled i didn’t puke up anything
there’s no use in pumping my stomach
cause i’ll just do it again
i’m a lost cause, so f-ck it
everyone with grudges towards me is gonna love this
the smiles on their faces when my death goes public

[hook]
cause i’m k!lling myself
taking matters to my own hands
i can’t picture myself as a grown man
i don’t wanna grow up
i hate change and everything’s just so rearranged

my life’s nothing but a disaster
and time keeps going by faster
but in a second all that sh-t won’t matter
f-ck this i’mma k!ll myself

[verse 2]
i act happy
but i wanna die, i’m not gonna lie
thoughts of suicide keep crossing my mind on a regular basis
going crazy, cause i’m going through bullsh-t on a regular basis
look me in the face, i’m sick in my eyes
cause i’m sick in the mind
i’ve been wishing to die ever since i was 9
this isn’t a lie
i don’t b-tch just to whine
or bullsh-t just to rhyme about it
i don’t cry just to spit
just to try to guilt trip
cause i could give two sh-ts about your pity
i ain’t trying to get everyone to feel bad for me
i’d rather dis everyone and make y’all mad at me
i ain’t a happy person and i ain’t that liked
not even by myself
i know i ain’t that nice
but people don’t understand how much i hate my life
cause if they did they’d know how bad
i want to take this knife and be

[hook]
k!lling myself
taking matters to my own hands
i can’t picture myself as a grown man
i don’t wanna grow up
i hate change and everything’s just so rearranged

my life’s nothing but a disaster
and time keeps going by faster
but in a second all that sh-t won’t matter
f-ck this i’mma k!ll myself

[verse 3]
i quit, i’m bailing, i’m done
i finally give up
i’m sick of failing, i’m done trying to live up
to the expectations everyone has set for me
and trying to explain sh-t to myself
always questioning about my destination
f-ck my destiny
no more relationships
my friends are all dead to me
my head is aching, and i don’t have any energy
i’m patiently waiting for the day that i can rest in peace
and this medication is the reason that i don’t get no sleep
it ain’t worth taking
so i just take some ecstasy
then hear my friends
“you’re an e-tard f-ck up.”
maybe k!lling myself will
make you r-t-rds shut up!
cause i only do it once in a while
at times when i forget how to f-cking smile
i hate being belittled when y’all act like you’re
looking out for me
if you were looking out of me then
i wouldn’t about to be

[hook]
k!lling myself
taking matters to my own hands
i can’t picture myself as a grown man
i don’t wanna grow up
i hate change and everything’s just so rearranged

my life is nothing but a disaster
and time keeps going by faster
but in a second all that sh-t won’t matter
f-ck this i’mma k!ll myself

[verse 4]
when the time comes
i’ll be crying then
i’ll have to get a hold of myself
call all my friends, and say goodbye to them
then get high and then call up all my friends again
and say goodbye again
and cry again
stop crying- smile
find a pen, write down some last words
somebody will find them when
i’m in heaven looking down on them
or who knows?
the way sh-t’s been going- maybe h-ll, looking up on them
but either way i’m watching
i’m waiting their reaction
suddenly someone walks in
wait they ain’t laughing
they read it and start crying
they actually do care
i’m shocked, i can’t believe they’re sad that i ain’t there
they miss me
man what a horrible mistake i made
and i can’t take it back, it’s way to late
if only i could relive my life
i’d re-make this song
rewrite the hook and it would be like..

[hook 2]
life’s sh-t
but i’m taking matters to my own hands
i can picture myself as a grown man
i wanna grow up, i can deal with change
even if everything gets rearranged

maybe my life’s a disaster
and time keeps going by faster
but now i can see all that sh-t don’t matter
f-ck that i’mma live my life!

- kyle spratt lyrics

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