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larry grossman - this crazy place/finale act one lyrics

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(a group of white punks, seeing doyle teaching grover to ride his new bike, appear

they proceed to destroy the bike, calling doyle a “n+gga+lover”

they amble off, their laughter wafting back after them

leroy relaxes his grip on doyle’s arm. he crosses, gathering up pieces of the bike, dumping them. grover runs to retrieve the handlebars, clutching them to him fiercely

leroy looks at him helplessly, then at the others. a hard+edged spotlight hits him. hе comes down the footlights, satin, doyle and grover frozen at thе side of the stage behind him.)

[leroy]
(to the audience)
that back there
is such a painful minute
who the h+ll
would want t’ stay in it?
i’d rather forget it!
who’d want t’ face it?
did sumpin’ happen?
i can’t place it!

(a big smile)

speakin’ of places
and speakin’ of faces
let’s speak of anything
that’d be…
(trying to find the word)

…that’d+

aces!

that back there
it sorta let the rain in
you ain’t here
t’ hear us all complainin’

too much strain
y’know it’s awful drainin’
why push pain?
you’re here for entertainin’!

speaking of pushin’
come pull up a cushion

(to the conductor)

toss me my cane and my hat!

(the conductor does)

let’s have a little of that
(a dance break)

and that

(a gesture, and the front of the burlesque house flies in)

and that

(a gesture, and harry earle’s marquee flies in)

yes, that!

(a gesture, and the twinkling marquee lights come up)

that place that’s glad to see your face

(some of the company appear, dressed as in the prologue, waving to and greeting him. it’s again exaggerated, unreal.)

and your face is glad to see that place

’cause it’s safe inside
that one
safe
place!

(he moves among the company, greeting them, shaking hands.)
here’s the only place to play inside
we’ll stay inside here and play
all happy faces smiling bright
this family has no worries
ri+i+ight?

[company]
(to leroy, agreeing)
tell it that way +
that’s the sure way +
this is your spot +
have it your way

[leroy]
yes, the whole world
is a show where
trouble pops up +
then it’s nowhere
jus’ that kinda place!

[company]
(variously)
jus’ that kinda place
jus’ that kinda place

[leroy]
(to the company)
when trouble comes, just wait, it passes off

[company]
we won’t fight, we’ll work our asses off

[leroy and company]
just to have this one
great
place!

(leroy brings a not+upbeat doyle downstage, to perform for the audience: “nothin’ anybody likes better than an irishman doin’ a ditty! just look at them smilin’ irish eyes!” leroy cues the conductor.)

[doyle]
the enemy’s here
the enemy’s there
the smell o’ the enemy fills the air
they’re takin’ us all
they’re comin’ from far and wide
they’re takin’ us over
with never a place ‘t’ hide

(not what leroy was expecting; he runs to gus, who hands him a bladder bag.)

the enemy’s here
y’ try’n’ be nice
but there’s always a price!
y’ take it ‘n’ take it
‘n’ finally have yer day
the enemy’s dead
but look at the price y’pay!

(returning, leroy bops doyle on the head. doyle instantly joins the mood and the rest of the company.)

[company and doyle]
(to leroy)
now you’re cookin’
now you’re copin’
get to satin +
she’s still mopin’

(like teasing children, to satin:)

such a long, long face…
such a long, long face…
such a long, long face…

(leroy crosses, drawing a protesting satin down to the footlights.)

[satin]
you can’t throw the pieces away and say it never happened! it happened! there was a bike + then they came + now it’s broken, it’s gone+

[leroy]
spee+eakin’ of broken
look, here is a token

(pulling a magician’s bouquet out of his sleeve, he kneels, offering it.)

of my undyin’ esteem…

[satin]
you just can’t change it around like that, leroy+

[leroy]
(to the audience)
see that pretty face beam!

(insistently pushing the bouquet at her)

say it’s all been a dream

(pleading)

say it’s all
been a dream

(there’s a long pause

she takes the bouquet. then, without conviction, a favor:)

[satin]
it’s all been a dream

(leroy joins her hand with doyle’s, then he takes her other hand.)

[leroy, satin and doyle]
this must be the place that’s makin’ good
by takin’ good care of you

[all]
see how we run run run run run
to give you fun fun fun fun fun!

(they break into shtick + baggy pants drop, girls get goosed, slide whistles and h+rns go crazy + the works, only satin showing her conflict.)

(variously)
this working place +
this playing place +
this crazy place +
this paying place +
this noisy place +
this dizzy place +
this gaudy place +
this busy place +

we’ll lead a merry chase for you +
all those troubles we’ll erase for you +
keepin’ up a cheery pace for you +
shinin’ up our shiny face +

yes, this
must
be
the
place!

- larry grossman lyrics

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