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lauren flans - down with an elf lyrics

[spoken word intro: mc crack-a-lack]
yo, it’s christmas time, and i know everybody be filled with joy and good tidings and whatnot, but i got a bone to pick. see, the holidays ain’t so cheery for yours truly. and let me tell you why…

[verse 1: mc crack-a-lack & (crew)]
hey yo, i’m pretty sure my lady’s gettin’ down with an elf
yo, i know this sh-t sounds crazy, don’t believe it myself
but i think she’s f-cking someone tiny, i am ill at ease
cause the b-tch has got hickeys all around her knees
she says:
[hoochie back-up singer:] i gotta go out for somethin’…
i say, “baby, that’s fine”
she comes home hours later smellin’ like a toy -ssembly line
and if you don’t know what that smells like, let me make it clear –
it’s (sugar!)
and (spice!)
and (holiday cheer!)
i get home from work early, open up the bedroom do’
hear the sound of jingling bells shootin’ out the window
under the bed, i found a little green cap
and directions to the north pole were on google maps
i’d a caught him by now, but little people got stealth
still, i’m pretty sure my lady’s gettin’ down with an elf

[hook: crew]
he’s pretty sure his lady’s gettin’ down with an elf

[verse 2]
yo, if she were nailin’ santa, i’d have understood
but not some 3-foot f-ggot dressed like robin hood!
my homies say:
[homey back up singer:] elves ain’t real, dog! that sh-t is whack!
then how come she’s turned on every time we p-ss a baby gap?!
all she wants to f-ck to anymore are christmas carols
or the soundtrack to that stupid movie with will ferrell
and when we make love, she wants sh-t that’s insane –
the b-tch asked me to paint my d-ck up like a candy cane!
i caught her in the toy department touchin’ herself
that’s why i’m pretty sure my lady’s gettin’ down with an elf

[hook]

[verse 3]
that the dude’s a f-ckin’ midget is the worst d-mn thing
i mean, it’s not like he’s that s-xy elf from “lord of the rings”
that guy shot arrows; he had style and cl-ss –
on the real, even i’d a done legolas
but an elf from santa’s workshop? man, that sh-t ain’t right!
my b-tch is gettin’ off on pointy shoes and tights!
she moved the ky down to a lower shelf –
i’m pretty sure my lady’s gettin’ down with an elf

[hook 2: crew & (mc crack-a-lack)]
he’s pretty sure his lady’s gettin’ down with an elf… (i’m pretty sure…)
he’s pretty sure his lady’s gettin’ down with an elf

[spoken word outro: mc crack a lack]
merry christmas

- lauren flans lyrics

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