lauren marcus & krysta rodriguez - hosing the furniture lyrics
h-llo my lucite coffee table,
someone spill a little milk on you?
tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk
not to worry,
facet uh uh
facet
one more twist
that’s better now
rinse cycle, lukewarm temperature, here we go
what?
(gasp) on!
silly little me me me me me me me
i’m singing in the living room
what’s the time? 15 minutes
pour the bleach with the finishing touches on the dinner
the dog! the dog! the dog!
still outside!
silly little me me me me me me me
my nails, my god
a chip.
tom likes wonder bread with turkey
tom was preoccupied last night
is it me? is it-
do i have enough milk?
oh stain, stain down the drain what a shine
i can see myself in the coffee table,
pretty as i was on my wedding day
i’m as pretty as the coffee table!
we’re so pretty
mother?
ah! what? you scared me!
who are you talking to?
who? no one
what’s all this?
why are you acting so weird?
you know,
i’m hosing the furniture!
and when i hose, i sing to myself
hosing the furniture!
who do you think cleans up, some elf?
no sweeping, no mops, and no time- it’s wee!
when i’m hosing the furniture, i’m free, i’m free
now run along and play! i’m concentrating.
you know how your father likes to
come home to that “just decorated” look!
and how are my vinyl drapes today?
(cough cough) dirt.
tsk tsk tsk tsk
clean in a jiffy now,
nozzle uh uh nozzle
finest spray
now we got it
cellophane dacron no asbestos
what?
(gasp) vinyl!
silly little me me me me me me me
raindrops are falling on my couch
what’s the time? 30 minutes
martinis, cut the flowers for the dinner
the dog! the dog! the dog!
hasn’t been fed
silly little me me me me me me me
my hair, my hod
a grey hair
ouch!
tom likes c-cktail onions
tom nodded off again last night
was it me?
was it- i get treated like dirt.
oh dirt, dirt, here’s a squirt
what a glow
i can see myself in the drapery,
am i pretty as i was on my wedding day?
am i pretty as the drapery?
are we pretty?
mother?
ah! what? don’t do that.
dad just called on the phone
uh-huh
he’ll be late. an hour or two.
too bad!
don’t you care?
me? oh no!
i’m hosing the furniture!
do i look mad? my happiness grows!
hosing the furniture
who needs dad, when i’ve got the hose?
more hours. more showers. hosie and me!
when i’m hosing the furniture,
i’m free, i’m free
i’m free
this house is a reflection of me.
modern, graceful, easy, simple. synthetic.
so free! in everything i see my reflection.
do i really look so simply?
pathetic!
silly little-
silly little-
silly little-
mister television set, conquered by crumbs!
tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk
no problem
tangle mph mph
tangle knotted up ugh!
there, ha!
steaming hot, and go
what? pull the trigger!
silly little me me me me me me me
soon it’s gonna rain on the bookshelf
what’s the time? 120 minutes
dry turkey, look relaxed for the dinner
the dog the dog thedog
the dog died last year!
silly little me me me me me me me
my blouse, my god
a crumb!
tom likes strawberry, chunk it!
tom was talking in his sleep
not to me.
not- why can’t he throw me a crumb?
oh crumb, crumb,
drown you sc-m!
what a life
i can see myself in the television
i was pretty on my wedding day
i was pretty as the television
we were pretty
what now?!
the drain backed up!
out!
the kitchen’s underwater!
out! out!
one more thing!
out!
you’ve got crumbs on your back!
out
i’m hosing the furniture
a minor flood never hurt anyone
hosing the furniture
sometimes i wish this hose were a gun
just joking!
see, i’m laughing
silly little me!
when i’m hosing the furniture
when i’m hosing the furniture
when i’m hosing the furniture
i’m free
i’m free
i’m free
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