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leonard bernstein - one hundred easy ways lyrics

you’ve met a charming fellow and you’re out for a spin
the motor fails and he just wears a helpless grin
don’t bat your eyes and say, “what a romantic spot we’re in.”
(just get out, crawl under the car, tell him it’s the gasket, and fix it in two seconds flat. with a bobby pin.)
that’s a good way to lose a man

he takes you to the baseball game, you sit knee to knee
he says, “the next man up at bat will bunt, you’ll see.”
don’t say, “ooh, what’s a bunt? this game’s too hard for little me.”
(just say, “bunt? are you nuts? with one out and two men on base and a left-handed batter coming up, he’ll walk right into a triple play, just like happened in fifth game of the world series in 1923.”)
that’s a sure way to lose a man

a sure sure sure sure way to lose a man
a splendid way to lose a man
just throw your knowledge in his face
he’ll never try for second base
98 ways to go
the third way to lose a man

the lifeguard at the beach that all the girlies adore
swims bravely out to save you through the ocean’s roar
don’t say, “oh thanks, i would have drowned in just second more.”
(just push his head underwater and yell, “last one in is a rotten egg,” and race him.)
that’s a swell way to lose a man

you’ve found your perfect mate and it’s been love from the start
he whispers, “you’re the one to who i give my heart.”
don’t say, “i love you too, my dear, let’s never ever part
(just say, “i’m afraid you’ve made a grammatical error. it’s not ‘to who i give my heart,’ it’s ‘to whom i give my heart.’ you see, with the use of the preposition ‘to’, ‘who’ becomes the indirect object, making the use of the word ‘whom’ imperative, which i can easily show you by drawing a simple chart.”)
that’s a fine way to lose a man

a fine fine fine fine way to lose a man
a dandy way to lose a man
just be more well-informed than he
you’ll never hear “oh promise me”
just show him where his grammar errs
then mark your towels “hers” and “hers”
yes, girls, you too can lose your man
if you will use ruth sherwood’s plan
one hundred easy ways to lose a man

- leonard bernstein lyrics

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