lil hesitation - hesitation double cross lyrics
[verse 1]
what if i woke up one day
what if i woke up one day
and decided that i’ve had enough
what if i woke up one day and blew out my brains
would tears shed your eyes, as the tec slides out of my hands
and as my soul retreats out of my lifeless corpse, as my worldly life ends
and my spiritual life begins
i am a believer through all the sins
and if suicide is a sin than add that one to the list
would you care, would you cry?
would it even matter that you lost the love of your life?
to a syringe and a bottle of morphine, and one lonely night?
one lonely night is all it takes
for a motherf+cker like me to raise the stakes
and put my life on the table, of this gambling game
bet my life on the daily, and the devil always wins
doesn’t matter who or what pays me, n0body gots what it takes
to swoop in a save
my sinful nature from getting the best of me
and discarding all the ones that love me, wife, homie, plug, and the rest of them
f+ck them, cause i’m just gonna inject myself
and take my demons and i’m molesting them
molesting them, as i slowly escape from this world of hate
leaving the past behind, as i gain sight of the pearly gates and
[chorus]
what if i woke up one day
what if i woke up one day
and decided that i’ve had enough
would that be enough, to make a tear shed from your eye
would that be enough, to make you wish you fell deeper in love
would that be enough, to make you wish you could’ve dived in and saved me
before i fell that deep in love
[verse 2]
i act up, rather abruptly
i take a simple accusation and turn into judge judy
this the courtroom, its me versus you
when it should be us versus the world, now i gotta choose
if i should win or lose
this debate we having, either way it ends in my neck in a noose
the same neck that has strangle marks, from my thoughts tryna consume
too late
they’ve already consumed me, its too late
i’ve succumbed to my selfish desires, its too late
maybe that’s why i’m writing this song in the first place
maybe that’s why i hate it when you say you’ll always be my side and that you’ll ride for me
because i know if you really knew me, you wouldn’t think twice about not dying for me
but baby i would die for you
and you know how i know that?
because when i’m laying on my bed about to od on oxycontin, i’m dying for you
yeah, i’m dying for you
and when the lonely nights turn my house to an asylum, the tears i shed are crying for you
but you don’t know what that feels like
and i ain’t even acting out of spite
because i told you from start
to tell me when you’re done for the sake of both of our hearts
and to tell me when you fall out of love, but of a course you ignored me
maybe you thought you were doing me a favor, but you destroyed me
and i know that i’m being selfish, that’s why i’ll spend 10k on you and 15k on the codeine
and, and, and+
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[bridge]
and when i see you
i get so so high
and i’m so so sober
but just know the next time i feel your touch
it won’t be enough
[verse 3]
i just woke up, from taking two shots of morphine
about to take another one, about to od
and no, i don’t wish that you were here holding me
i don’t want you by me, i don’t want you to see me lying
motionless and lifeless, just let the coroner find me
save him some time with the diagnosis
tell him our situation and he’ll understand the poor prognosis
i was living on borrowed time, i had no heart for years, you were the one that stole it
the outcome was predictable and the feeling was potent
nothing gets me numb no more, these problems i can’t roll away and smoke them
i lie on the floor lonely, next to a bag of oxycodone
my living room looks like a strip club from atlanta
not because of the women but because of the pure grams of xtampza
i’m out of control, i’m insane, i don’t know who i’m gonna hurt next
by falling in love and ending it all with a percocet
i’m so f+cked inside, i’m so f+cked up inside
i can’t numb with a check, i can’t numb with a rolex
i can take the adderall all day, and i won’t feel nothing, take a different drug, take a different one next
should invest in cvs, because the pharmacy in my garage, and all it takes is one text
for me to realize i won’t hurt anyone else
because i love you, i love you, my heart belongs to you
even when yours doesn’t, you know i’ll always belong to you
i worry so much about losing you, even though i’ve already lost you
and now i’ve got nothing to lose
because when i take four xans and i go to sleep, i have no one to hold
but i also have no one to force
to put up with my sh+t and pick me up from the floor
when i attempt to fight my demons and get k.o’d
its best for us to part ways, baby, but i don’t even know
all i know, is abel said it best, this house is not a home
without my baby
[chorus]
what if i woke up one day
what if i woke up one day
and decided that i’ve had enough
would that be enough, to make a tear shed from your eye
would that be enough, to make you wish you fell deeper in love
would that be enough, to make you wish you could’ve dived in and saved me
before i fell that deep in love
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