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lil nomap - the grocery store lyrics

[intro]
it was a lazy sunday afternoon and the only thing on my mind was getting a snack from the grocery store, i grabbed my keys and headed out the door daydreaming about the perfect bag of chips to accompany my netflix binge later

[verse 1]
the fluorescent lights of the store fl!ckered above me as i walked through the automatic doors i grabbed a basket and headed straight for the snack aisle passing by a toddler who seemed to be having a heated argument with a cabbage i shrugged it off—kids have wild imaginations right?

[verse 2]
as i reached for my favorite chips a loud crash echoed from the next aisle over
curiosity piqued, i peeked around the corner to see an elderly lady brandishing a baguette like a sword fending off what appeared to be a rogue watermelon rolling towards her at an alarming speed
the watermelon had a menacing grin carved into it and for a moment i wondered if i had accidentally wandered into a bizarre comedy sketch

[verse 3]
i decided it was best to avoid the melon melee and continued down the aisle
suddenly the overhead speaker crackled to life
“attention shoppers there’s a sale on souls in aisle six
buy one get one free”
i laughed nervously assuming it was some sort of elaborate prank and made my way to the checkout
as i stood in line the cashier greeted me with a smile that seemed just a little too wide like it was stretched beyond the limits of normal human anatomy
“find everything you need today?”, she asked her eyes never blinking

[verse 4]
yeah just a snack i replied trying to ignore the eerie feeling creeping up my spine
the man in front of me was purchasing an unusual assortment of items: duct tape, a shovel and a gallon of bleach
he turned to me and whispered “gardening it’s for gardening” i nodded slowly inching back just a bit
finally it was my turn, the cashier scanned my chips and just as i was about to pay the lights in the store went out
a deep guttural voice boomed over the intercom “all hail the dark lord of snacks!”
the lights fl!ckered back on and standing next to the cashier was a man dressed in a hooded cloak holding a scepter made of pretzel sticks
“uh is this some kind of promotion?” i asked my voice wavering
the cashier and the cloaked figure looked at each other and burst into maniacal laughter
“you have been chosen!” they chanted in unison
[verse 5]
i decided it was time to leave
abandoning my basket i bolted for the exit dodging a small parade of dancing tomatoes
as i reached the parking lot i glanced back to see the store’s windows illuminated with a strange otherworldly glow
back in my car i took a deep breath and drove home in silence my craving for snacks thoroughly extinguished
as i pulled into my driveway i made a mental note never shop for snacks on a sunday
or maybe just never shop at that store again

[outro]
i sat on my couch scrolling through a food delivery app
maybe i’d just order a pizza less chance of encountering a cult that way
or so i hoped

- lil nomap lyrics

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