lil_ramsic - james lyrics
[verse]
this story’s ‘bout a kid that i once knew a while back
the name was james, never saw him smile man
his mum had a boyfriend she’s on and off with
he’d get drunk and angry then whale on jim
jim’s mum didn’t care if the c-nt knocked him out
his dad ain’t around, unknown whereabouts
last time they spoke, was a few years ago
back then he’s expecting a new baby bro
now he don’t know, if his brother’s alive
he could have more siblings than he’d realise
he knows he’s got seven, by now like eleven
he’s got so many questions that he finds depressing
especially since only one lives with him
but his older bro’s just a bad influence
a dead beat bro with a dead end job
dedicated only to ranking up on cod
he’s twelve years older and still acts a kid
hang with some mates and bring em back to his
they’d tease little jim make him feel like a kid
no-one would care, mum and bro joined in
so james ran away, on a nightly basis
hoping his mum, might go and chase him
and then apologise for the shit in his life
but that never happened not even a goodbye
he’d end up in the forest crying to himself
thinking suicide’s the way out of this h-ll
he was scared of the thought, he may or may not
and fifteen years ago in the exact same spot
jim’s brother tied to a tree a rope swing
he made so long ago, still ain’t broken
so he could end his life with his brother’s help
but he’d get overwhelmed and go back to his h-ll
still smells the weed coming from his brothers room
his mum’s p-ssed out, in the other room
weed and alcohol were surrounding his life
and before he went to college he gave up, the fight
gave into the drugs, but he was still all alone
at least it was an improvement, over school though
cause back then he, was an outcast, andre 3000
miles from friends, but friends he found some
and that’s when life would turn around
and he no longer felt like he was drowning
after 17 years he finally had mates
but they are all in, the united states
he’d stay up all night, talking to them
looking forward to the good times ahead
he weren’t out going, nor well spoken
but these were the friends that he had chosen
content with his life, only just getting by
if he hadn’t had his friends, he felt he woulda died
the thoughts still crept in, every now and again
his mates suppressed them, they were true friends
he made plans to see them, spent his life savings
to fly over the ocean, he needed some changes
they came in abundance and soon felt reluctant
cause he fell in love with his best mates cousin
but his mate didn’t mind, in fact it was encouraged
he gave jim advice in a lengthy discussion
on how to ask her out and what she would like
he saw her the next day and felt so alive
and so he saw her, felt his heart pounding
she looked so beautiful, filled with doubt and
he began to expect a resounding no
looked her in the eye and quit the pouting
so he built up the courage and asked her out
she grabbed his hands, then, he looked down and
saw that his watch, it had stopped counting
time was frozen until she announced that
she felt the same way and wanted to date
so for the next 2 months, almost each day
they were inseparable, but the time had come
for him to go back, where he was from
he wished to stay cause he felt he belonged
it was a heart wrenching goodbye, and not before long
the arguments started with his girlfriend
and then there bond was beginning to end
the distance too much, and she had some news
last night she drank way too much booze
he felt depleted cause she had cheated
that was the evening, he, began the seething
his point of no return, he began lashing out
now he didn’t care, started having bouts
with every other human on this f-cking planet
only the lord knows how he could manage
his mum had enough, cut off his phone
packed his bags and said to leave home
with no friends no-one offered him a couch
forced to move out and live at nan’s house
but she had no internet so no friends here
and no friends there, alone, no-one cared
he’d sit there listening, to pac, started drinking
got some hennessy, sipping and chilling
with a drink in one hand and a blunt in the other
his mind is missing, while his cd was spinning
he’d, be spitting, cause he’s drunk and high now
wanting to escape, and live a rappers life style
so no-one knew his struggle, they’d only see the trouble
he lived in a bubble, that he felt only pac would
be able to understand, with him he felt connected
cause with everyone else, he really had no connection
he dreamt of thugz mansion saw death around the corner
he thought “if i were a ghost, who would mourn me
if i die 2nite? not my dear mama”
went back to her house, asked for another
chance to come home, he felt all alone
his mum said no, again he asked, “no!”
it didn’t take much but he thought of his closest
friends that had left him, it was in that moment
where in the blink of an eye he felt so hopeless
after a fight with his mum he escaped to the forest
she said “you’re as dead to me as your f-cking dad”
that’s when he came up with his master plan
and as he looked at the rope as it dangled
he imagined himself in it, being strangled
he muscled up the courage and climbed the tree
put his neck through the noose, as he began to make peace
the support of his family was in both hands
as he held himself up, and then he began
to let go of the rope, to earth he’d fall back
and in the blink of an eye, his neck, snapped
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