logan whitehurst - farkle, new and improved!!! lyrics
farkle!
since 1942 and before
farkle has been an international insitution
known world wide for it’s indurance, reliability, celery smell, and freshness
in the face of adversity, mold, concrete, [?], ready+made pie crust, tackle box, and producing swelling in children ages 14 to 86
farkle was history in the making!
why, even farkle’s late creator, the late creator of farkle used to say +
“i forgot what i was gonna say! it was quite funny though. an amusing anecdote!”
yes, as our american boys marched off to war, marching over+land, marching over+seas and marching in the air
farkle and farkle commericials kept their spirits alive and sparkling clean!
why, here’s an old farkle commercial from the old days of black and white right here! +
“yes, friends, the year is 1942 and before. adolfus hitler and his mighty army of n+z+’s are rising up, and farkle is cheaper than ever! buy it today and save a lot of hassle. and now, frozen in this block of ice is the creator of farkle himself! would you say a few words for us here today now right this moment here’s the microphone here you go ahead. + “i forgot what i was gonna say! it was quite funny though. an amusing anecdote!””
as most of you know by now, farkle is the best
keep one in the ice+box to prevent freezer burn!
it’s not only the leading brand in blind taste+tests, but deaf people really like it too!
great for those embarrassing carpet stains
perfect onion flowers, every time!
just farkle, and forget it
keep one in the ice+box to prevent freezer burn!
so+long mister pizza+face (me?)
with farkle you’ll never have to say chronic callatosis again!
comes with hooks!
always flaky, never dry! (and i don’t even have kids!)
keep one in the ice+box to prevent freezer burn!
but enough about farkle, let’s see what our celebrity spokes+figment john+john the leprechaun has to say about farkle! +
“i’m john+john the leprechaun! top o’ the morning to ye and yer kid. hoy, when it comes to farkle, i’ve only one regret. and that’s that i put one farkle to give for me country. however, in law of giving up my farkle, i’m gonna shoot meself out of this big humungus canon.”
(gunshot)
(yodeling)
(crash)
if this were a television commercial, you’d be able to see some fine print right now that reads+ “ᴴᶦᵍʰˡʸ ᵖᵃᶦᵈ ˢᵖᵒⁿˢᵒʳˢ [ˀ] ᶠᵒʳ ᵐᵒʳᵉ. [ˀ] ᵗʰᵉ ᵃᶜᵗᵒʳˢ [ˀ].”
and now, here’s some completely unpaid random people like you and your mother, who just love farkle. +
“yar! twenty years ago, the great white farkle took my leg in a mighty struggle. in a morbidly ironic twist though i’ve used nothin’ but farkle and farkle products to upkeep a new peg leg! yar, thank ye, farkle.”
“faarkle is the best thing that iii eever taasteeed. it’s better than water! and it’s better than bloooob”
“i love farkle. i spread it all over my body. just take a look here +”
(squirting noises)
“oooh oooh aghh farkle agghh ahhh farkle woahoahoaa farkooho farklewoohoowoohoowoohoowoohoo woo!!!!!!”
“that was nice.”
“(giberish) farkle is the best. (giberish) my house is made of farkle. (giberish) automobile beef transistor.”
and now here’s an unedited testimony from mr.pee wilikins from novascoscha!
“recently, my+ dog+ flowers+ died. but you know what?+ i keep it in my fridge. but now, thanks to+ farkle and farkle byproducts what better way to preserve old+ flowers. i really love my dog! and we’re all very+ (bark)
very+ (bark)
very+ (bark)
very+ (bark)
very+ (bark)
sad, and you know what? it’s gone folks. my dog? it’s gone i like my dog? but now, it’s gone folks. my dog? it’s gone. i can keep him preserved as ever,+ and i would hate to see him go. well, thanks to farkle, my dog?+ can save all the sp+ce i like. and to tell you the truth? i+ really love+ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ
farkle!
you can live without it, but why would you want to?!
chuck those old records, clean out your cabble brands and make your old bed for
farkle!!!
(coughing) “i mean+.. farkle.”
ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᴿᵉˢᵗʳᶦᶜᵗᶦᵒⁿˢ ᴹᵃʸ ᴬᵖᵖˡʸ. ˢᵘᵖᵖˡᶦᵉˢ ᴬʳᵉ ᴸᶦᵐᶦᵗᵉᵈ. ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᴬˡˡᵒʷ ˢᶦˣᵗʸ⁻ᴱᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵂᵉᵉᵏˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᴰᵉˡᶦᵛᵉʳʸ. ˢᵒˡᵈ ᴮʸ ᵂᵉᶦᵍʰᵗ⁻ᴺᵘᵗ ᴮʸˢʰᵒˢᶜᵉˢ. ᴰᵒ ᴺᵒᵗ ᴼᵛᵉʳᶦⁿᶠˡᵃᵗᵉ. ᴸᶦᶠᵗ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᵂᶦᵗʰ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᴮᵃᶜᵏ, ᴺᵒᵗ ᵂᶦᵗʰ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᴸᵉᵍˢ. ˢᵒᵐᵉ ˢᶦᶻᵉˢ ˢʰᵃᵖᵉˢ ᶜᵒˡᵒᵘʳˢ ᶠˡᵃᵛᵒʳˢ ᴰᶦᵐᵉⁿˢᶦᵒⁿˢ ᴹᵃʸ ᴴᵃᵛᵉ ˢᵉᵗᵗˡᵉᵈ ᴰᵘʳᶦⁿᵍ ᴰᵘˡᶦⁿᵍ. ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᴵˢ ᴺᵒᵗ ᵀᵒ ᴮᵉ ᵁˢᵉᵈ ᴬˢ ᴬ ᶠˡᵒᵃᵗᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᴰᵉᵛᶦᶜᵉ. ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᴹᵃʸ ᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᴵʳʳᵉᵍᵘˡᵃʳ ᴮᵒʷᵉˡ ᴹᵒᵛᵉᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ ᴬᶜᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃⁿᶦᵉᵈ ᴮʸ ᴼᶦˡʸ ᴰᶦˢᶜʰᵃʳᵍᵉ ᴬⁿᵈ ᵀʰᵉ ᴵⁿⁿᵃᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ ᵀᵒ ᶜᵒⁿᵗʳᵒˡ ᴵᵗ. ʸᵒᵘ ᴰᵒ ᵀʰᵉ ᴴᵒᵏᵉʸ ᴾᵒᵏᵉʸ ᴬⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵀᵘʳⁿ ʸᵒᵘʳˢᵉˡᶠ ᴬʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ, ᵀʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ᵂʰᵃᵗ ᴵᵗ’ˢ ᴬˡˡ ᴬᵇᵒᵘᵗ. ˢᵉᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᴰᵒᶜᵗᵒʳ ᴵᶠ ʸᵒᵘ’ʳᵉ ˢᶦᶜᵏ. ᴬ ᵀᵉʳᵐᶦᵗᵉ ᵂᵃˡᵏˢ ᴵⁿᵗᵒ ᴬ ᴮᵃʳ ᴬⁿᵈ ˢᵃʸˢ “ᴵˢ ᵀʰᵉ ᴮᵃʳᵗᵉⁿᵈᵉʳ ᴴᵉʳᵉ”. ᴰᵒ ᴺᵒᵗ ᶠᵘˡˡʸ ˢᵖᶦⁿᵈˡᵉ ᴼʳ ᴹᵘᵗᶦˡᵃᵗᵉ ᵁⁿˡᵉˢˢ ᴾʳᵒᵐᵖᵗᵉᵈ ᴮʸ ᴬ ᴾʳᵒᵖᵉʳ ᶠᵒʳᶜᵉ. ᴰᶦʳᵉᶜᵗ ᴹᶦˢᵘˢᵉ ᵒᶠ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᶜᵒⁿˢᵗᶦᵗᵘᵗᵉˢ ᴬ ᴰᶦʳᵉᶜᵗ ᴹᶦˢᵘˢᵉ ᴼᶠ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ. ᴵ ᵀʰᶦⁿᵏ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᴹᵒᵗʰᵉʳ’ˢ ᶜᵃˡˡᶦⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ. ᵀʷᵒ⁻ᴴᵘⁿᵈʳᵉᵈ ᴬⁿᵈ ᶠᶦᶠᵗʸ ᴾᵉʳᶜᵉⁿᵗ ᴼᶠ ᵀʰᵉ ᴾʳᵒᶜᵉᵉᵈˢ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵀʰᵉ ˢᵃˡᵉ ᴼᶠ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᴳᵒ ᵀʰᵉ ᴴᵉᵃˡᵗʰ ᴬⁿᵈ ˢᵃᶠᵉᵗʸ ᴼᶠ ᴾʳᵉˢᶦᵈᵉⁿᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᴵⁿᵈᵘˢᵗʳᶦᵉˢ ᶠᵘⁿᵈ. ᴴᵃᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᴾᵉᵗˢ ˢᵖᵃʸᵉᵈ ᴼʳ ᴺᵉᵘᵗᵉᵘʳᵉᵈ ᴼʳ ᴮᵒᵗʰ ᴼʳ ᴺᵉᶦᵗʰᵉʳ ᴼʳ ᴼⁿᵉ ᴼʳ ᵀʰᵉ ᴼᵗʰᵉʳ ᴼʳ ᴰᵒⁿ’ᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᴬᵍʳᵉᵉ ᴼʳ ᴵᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ᴰᵒⁿ’ᵗ ᵂᵃⁿᵗ ᵀᵒ ᴼʳ ᴵᶠ ʸᵒᵘ’ʳᵉ ᴺᵒᵗ ˢᵘʳᵉ ᵂʰᵉⁿ ʸᵒᵘ ᴴᵃᵛᵉ ᴮᵉᵉⁿ. ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᴿᵉˢᵗʳᶦᶜᵗᶦᵒⁿˢ ᴹᵃʸ ᴬᵖᵖˡʸ. ⱽᶦˢᶦᵗ ᴼᵘʳ ᵂᵉᵇˢᶦᵗᵉ ᴬᵗ “ʷʷʷ.ᵈᶦᵇᵇˡʸᵈᵃᵇᵇˡʸᵈᵒᵒᵇˡʸᵈᶦⁿᵍᵈᵃⁿᵍ.ᵒʳᵍ.ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ.ᵈᶦᵇᵇᶦᵈʸᵈᵒᵒᵈᵒᵍᵈᵃᵇᵇᶦᵈᵃᵖᵒⁿᵍᵒᵇᵉᵇᵒⁿᵍ.ᶜᵒᵐ”. ⁽ᵂᵒᵒ ᴴᵒᵒᵎ⁾ ᴬⁿᵈ ᵀʰᵉʸ ᴬˡˡ ᴸᶦᵛᵉᵈ ᴴᵃᵖᵖᶦˡʸ ᴱᵛᵉʳ ᴬᶠᵗᵉʳ. ᵀʰᵉ ᴱⁿᵈ
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