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lonely island - like a boss lyrics

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akiva:
mr. samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review.

andy:
no problem.

akiva:
so, you’re in charge around here. is that fair to say?

andy:
absolutely. i’m the boss.

akiva:
okay. so, take us through a day in the life of “the boss.”

andy:
well, the first thing i do is…

talk to corporate (like a boss)
approve memos (like a boss)
lead a workshop (like a boss)
remember birthdays (like a boss)
direct work flow (like a boss)
my own bathroom (like a boss)
micromanage (like a boss)
promote synergy (like a boss)

hit on deborah (like a boss)
get rejected (like a boss)
swallow sadness (like a boss)
send some faxes (like a boss)
call a s-x line (like a boss)
cry deeply (like a boss)
demand a refund (like a boss)
eat a bagel (like a boss)

har-ssment lawsuit (like a boss)
no promotion (like a boss)
fifth of vodka (like a boss)
sh-t on deborah’s desk (like a boss)
buy a gun (like a boss)
in my mouth (like a boss)

oh, f-ck, man. i can’t f-cking do it. sh-t…

p-ssy out (like a boss)
puke on deborah’s desk (like a boss)
jump out the window (like a boss)
suck a dude’s d-ck (like a boss)
score some c-ke (like a boss)
crash my car (like a boss)
suck my own d-ck (like a boss)
eat some chicken strips (like a boss)

chop my b-lls off (like a boss)
black out in the sewer (like a boss)
meet a giant fish (like a boss)
f-ck his brains out (like a boss)
turn into a jet (like a boss)
bomb the russians (like a boss)
crash into the sun (like a boss)
now i’m dead (like a boss)

akiva:
uh-huh. so, that’s an average day for you then?

andy:
no doubt.

akiva:
you chop your b-lls off and die?

andy:
h-ll yeah.

akiva:
and i think at, uh, one point there you said something about sucking your own d-ck?

andy:
nope.

akiva:
actually, i’m pretty sure you did.

andy:
nah, that ain’t me.

akiva:
oh-kay. well, this has been eye-opening for me.

andy:
i’m the boss.

akiva:
yeah. no, i got that. you said it about four-hundred times.

andy:
i’m the boss.

seth (in distance):
yeah. yeah, i got it.

andy:
i’m the boss.

akiva:
no, i heard you. see you later. (door shuts)

(like a boss)

- lonely island lyrics

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