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loudon wainwright iii - iwiwal lyrics

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(spoken over b-ss guitar riff)
ok, i’m riding around in this car with this woman that
i’m close to a couple times a week. i’m noticing she’s
looking out of the window and noticing other women: how
this one looks, “isn’t her hair lovely?”, “what a nice
outfit!”

i said, “babe, what is the deal?! you’re noticing all
these other chicks… maybe… you’re a lesbian.”

she looks at me and she says, “i wish i was a lesbian!”

now, at that point, i wanted to say, “you mean ‘you
wish you were a lesbian’ because, grammatically…” but
i let it slide; i didn’t wanna ruffle any feathers.

but, y’know, that sentence, that retort, “i wish i was
a lesbian”…kinda stuck in the ol’ “laud-lo”‘s
mind…kinda gestated there for…seven, eight
minutes…and this tune popped out!

(music starts, singing)

i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
i wouldn’t have to mess with men and all their come-
and-go
and all that awful facial hair and yucky “ma-chis-mo”
ooooooo, i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero

i wish i was a lesbian and that i wasn’t straight
i would sleep with women only; man, that would be great
i could throw away my diaphragm; i wouldn’t wanna mate
ooooooo, i wish i was a lesbian and that i wasn’t
straight
heeeeeey!

(musical bridge)

i wish i was a lesbian; i’d like to be a dyk-
i would hang with k.d. lang; mel gibson, take a hike
i think it would be nice to love someone who was alike
ooooooo, i wish i was a lesbian; i’d like to be a dyk-

i wish i was a lesbian; that’s why this song is sung
it shouldn’t have to matter how someone is hung
other things are more important…like how to use yor
tounge…blblblblblblblblblbl
i wish i was a lesbian; that’s why this song is sung
heeeeeey!

(musical bridge with spoken line:)
i dare casey kasem to play this!

i wish i was a lesbian; i know it’s sad, but true
but maybe i might understand you guys and all you do
but if i was a lesbian, i wouldn’t have to
i wish i was a lesbian; i know it’s sad, but true

hey, i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
i wouldn’t have to mess with men and all their come-
and-go
and all that awful facial hair and yucky “ma-chis-mo”
(i hate that d-mned machismo!)
ooooooo, i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero!

- loudon wainwright iii lyrics

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