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loudon wainwright iii - tip that waitress (live) lyrics

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this for patty and all the girls. i’m probably gonna screw this up ’cause i never sang it

she’s been on her feet nearly half the d-mned night
bringing your beverage and your late night bite
she remains cheerful when you’re nasty and tight
makes change for a fifty in dim candle light
ignoring the groping, hoping you might
come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight
tip that waitress

she’s getting her masters, supporting her mom
amidst the confusion she remains cool and calm
she knows exits in case of a fire or a bomb
she knows all the words to the 23rd psalm
she handles her tray with panache and aplomb
her brother’s a quaker, her dad was in nam
tip that waitress

tip that waitress, she’s been waiting on you
skip the small change slap down a dollar or two

her arches are aching, her lower back’s shot
her varicose vein hurts like h-ll when it’s hot
her uniform’s too tight, tasteful it’s not
she knows the specials and they are not a lot
the cook is on quaaludes, the busboy deals pot
if she had a real job she’d quit on the spot
so tip that waitress

this plea for gratuity’s gone on way too long
there’s a time and a place where them things belong
a stage and a soapbox, this is only a song
to dwell on the matter much longer would be wrong
and people get by, she’ll get along
but i think she gets off when i come on strong
so tip that waitress

tip that waitress, she’s been waiting on you
skip the small change slap down a fiver or two

she’s been on her feet nearly half the d-mned night
bringing your beverage and your late night bite
she remains cheerful when you’re nasty and tight
makes change for a fifty in dim candlelight
ignoring the groping, hoping you might
come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight
tip that waitress

- loudon wainwright iii lyrics

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