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lyla illing - below the surface lyrics

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[verse 1]
boarded the 801 on my way home, from hamilton
just need some sp-ce to let the past two days, sink in
thanksgiving in jersey, everybody has been giving thanks
i, bow my head in prayer but devil has been on attack

[verse 2]
you seat me at the table, and my plate is stacked
i’m all comfortable, i don’t know if you’re all okay with that
don’t want to overstep i’m holding back, i’m feeling out of place
i’m smiling but afraid, you’ll see the sadness on my face

[pre-chorus]
because i know that they all know that
i don’t have any of what they have
and i don’t know where i’ll go from here
and i’m knowing that it’s showing, i’m terrified inside
because i don’t know where i’ll be next year
i’m jealous but i’m grateful
don’t know how to show i’m grateful

[chorus]
so i hope it shows in the inside jokes
the conversations that you have with me
i take heart in your father’s art
and your humble starts
and the room you always make for me
the conversations you all have with me

[verse 3]
woke up to finding my name trending in the headlines all around the globe
all i can think, my dad won’t even pick up the phone or say well done, i don’t know how to shake that off
you take me diving below the surface around the corner at the local knot, and they won’t let me sing
you yell you’re making a mistake, she’s &-#$%-& famous, we laugh it off

[verse 4]
you swallow hard, say
“tell me, at what age did your mother p-ss?
i’m so &-#$%-& sorry that your dad is being such a f-cking -ss.”
i hit back – “got nothing bad to add, i think his life is sad and
my life is good and i’m good with that
let’s rather raise a gl-ss to my mother, let’s raise a gl-ss”

[pre-chorus]
because i know that they all know that
i don’t have any of what they have
and i don’t know where i’ll go from here
and i’m knowing that it’s showing, i’m terrified inside
because i don’t know where i’ll be next year
i’m jealous but i’m grateful
don’t know how to show i’m grateful

[chorus]
so i hope it shows in the inside jokes
the conversations that you have with me
i take heart in your father’s art
and your humble starts
and the room you always make for me
the conversations you all have with me

[bridge]
i’ve been blessed with many seats at many tables
it’s by choice i live my life in the company of strangers
so this one’s out of frustration not out of anger
i don’t mean to put you under that parental kind of pressure
i feel like such an @$$!?%-
don’t know how to say i’m grateful
my emotions are unstable
and i don’t want to make it a thing

[chorus]
so i hope it shows in the inside jokes
the conversations that you have with me
i take heart in your father’s art
and your humble starts
and the room you always make for me
the conversations you all have with me

- lyla illing lyrics

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