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man on the internet - lancer's theme lyrics

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[lancer]
(spoken)
ho ho ho! the heroes are already running away! and they didn’t even know i was here! my dad’s gonna make me son of the month!

[susie]
(spoken)
who the h-ll are you?

[lancer]
(spoken)
i’m… the bad guy! i even have my own theme song! it goes like this!

[lancer]
(sung)
da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da

[susie]
(spoken)
those… aren’t lyrics

[lancer]
(spoken)
yeah they are!

[susie]
(spoken)
you’re just saying “da da da” over and over!

[lancer]
(spoken)
gimme a second, gosh! lyric writing is really hard

[lancer]
(sung)
i’m lancer, prince of spades!
tonight i’m gonna have my day
beep beep! on the mic, on the bike
gonna strike, better get out of my way
pedal on, ’til the lightners are gone
and then i’m gonna say yay!

[lancer]
(spoken)
yay!

[susie]
(spoken)
um…

[lancer]
(sung)
oh you sweet fools and clowns
tonight you’re going down
gonna get the goal as i go rolling
through this empty town
oh don’t you know
in our dark fountain and your tears
you’re gonna drown

spare the rod and spoil me
i’m the coolest in my family
i’m the villain in the game
and your face is kinda lame

in my kingdom you will find
nothing’s ever gonna shine
dare you dare my maze of signs?
(i am losing my mind)

here i go, my father’s son
don’t you know i’m number one?
(are you done?)
um…no

beep beep! here come the wheels
you like wrestling? i’m a heel
you know what? i really feel
like we’ve grown closer today
you can’t stop my evil plan
now i’m gonna stand in your way

[susie]
(spoken)
dude, are you…just standing there?

[lancer]
(spoken)
no! i’m just standing there…menacingly!

[susie]
(spoken)
there are so many way more evil things you could be doing right now…

[lancer]
(spoken)
ooh! i like the way you think, purple lady! why, i could…(pause for the music)

[lancer]
(sung)
drink straight from the lake
eat someone else’s birthday cake
since i’m the bad guy
what i want, i take

maybe, i can dig a hole
then dig a bigger hole
don’t stop me now, i’m on a roll

i’m the riding ace of spades
life’s a game i loveto play
coming up with rhymes is hard
hey, why don’t you pick a card?

[susie]
(spoken)
this card says “proud member of the lancer fan club.”

[lancer]
(spoken)
and i for one am so proud to be a fan of you guys! now we’re all fans of each other!

[susie]
(spoken)
aren’t you supposed to be the bad guy?

[lancer]
(spoken)
huh. maybe deep down, we’re all just “guys.” you know what? thank you so much for helping me come to this philosophical conclusion!

[lancer]
(sung)
spare the rod and spoil me
i’m the coolest in my family
i’m the villa-er, regular guy
i came up with that rhyme on the fly

i’m lancer, prince of spades!
tonight i’m gonna have my day
beep beep! here come the wheels
you like wrestling? i’m a heel
you know what? i really feel
like we’ll see each other soon
and do evil!

[susie]
(spoken)
you didn’t even try to rhyme that one!

[lancer]
(spoken)
i’ll do better next time!

[susie]
(spoken)
aren’t you gonna finish the chorus?

[lancer]
(spoken)
no! ’cause i’m evil! i learned nothing whatsoever!

- man on the internet lyrics

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