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mann shorts - dungeons & dragons (rap edition) lyrics

welcome to the campaign
i’m about to put the party in the fast lane
bring pain to the divine and arcane
go hard like a bard on cocaine
unchained

i’m a pc’s nightmare
better believe i’m prepared to go there
bar fight with 71 bugbears
put your dpr in a wheelchair

this is the way that it goes
everyone knows
i keep ’em up on their toes
i never run out of foes, so i suppose
you should be practicing throws

put a quest up in the northwest
railroad you to the southeast
won’t develop a good storyline for like 3 sessions, at least
i don’t really want to k!ll you
but the dm got to do what the dm gotta do
and if he gonna be coming with an att-tude
let me remind you all of the lat-tudes i’ve been allowing you
you’re ungrateful
y’all don’t really want to see me get hateful
don’t n0body want to see me get ridiculous and do another tpk

dice quality: clean
ice all up on my screen
i’m nice until i get mean
there’s no in-between
i’m a machine

look, i can put all of you into a castle full of a thousand chests
and one the chests contains an item required for you to continue the quest
and all of the other unopened containers are mimics and traps
so you’ll have to open them all to recover the item, which is a map
that will lead you into a complex dungeon with enough gold to make the whole team rich
but you better be ready to go to battle with a demon lord and a lich

so don’t b-tch when i give you a puzzle
to put a muzzle on your tendency to deviate and metagame
i’m liable to k!ll a character for no other reason
than i think it needed a better name

this game was a mistake
i think i’m gonna need to take a little break
that’s it, i’m done, goodbye
oh yeah, rocks fall, everybody dies

- mann shorts lyrics

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