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mann’s best friend – televangelist hustle lyrics

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sensible critical televangelist:
“you want to minister for god. you want to be used by god in your life? stick with the lord.”

stain+glassed lies in gilded cages
suits of armani preachin’ rages
empty promises, salvation for a price
bibles thumpin’, pockets plumpin’
with your blind and bleedin’ sacrifice
television saints with pearly smiles and diamond rings
sellin’ hope in megabytes, while the congregation sings

holy hustle, faith for sale
a twisted gospel straight to h+ll
charlatans in robes of white
feedin’ on your darkest fright
open up your wallets widе
for the miracle on the othеr side
but the only magic here’s deceit
a preacher’s greed, a poisoned treat

sensible critical televangelist:
“there’s another freestyle gospel, irrelevance gospel, that’s where you parade some famous, person up in front of people
‘and look at that guy. he’s a bodybuilder! look at the arms on that guy. maybe if i love jesus, i could have muscles like that.’
you know what i’m talking about? it’s a sickening!
and famous movie stars praise god for people in every segment of society that come to know christ.”
fake healers hawkin’ snake oil cures
mendin’ souls with magic slurs

sensible critical televangelist:
“false prophets say: ‘love jesus because that’s cool. person love jesus. and maybe i could be cool too and sort of like we’re kind of bolstering our fleshly resume.’ it’s nonsense!”

preachin’ prosperity, pockets lined with gold
while the sick and weary suffer
stories never fully told
exploitin’ faith, a twisted game
preyin’ on the weak and the lame
broadcastin’ blessings on the airwaves
a mockery of prayers

time to break the gilded chains
shatter the stained+glass window panes
see the truth behind the lies
the emptiness in their eyes
find your own d+mn salvation
cast off this twisted manipulation
no more megachurch marionettes
time to break these holy sweatshops

sensible critical televangelist:
“false prophet says ‘could have a watch like this
and have you seen my car, my house?
you could have that too.'”
holy hustle, faith for sale
a twisted gospel, straight to h+ll
charlatans in robes of white
feedin’ on your darkest fright
open up your wallets wide
for the miracle on the other side

sensible critical televangelist:
“and pastors in these massive, massive homes
and preaching a prosperity gospel where jesus wants you wealthy. it’s a sickening!
that’s a distortion of the gospel
that was unheard of through
the entire history of the church!
but, in the last 50 years
it’s front and center stage in the western world
you go to try to preach that in the third world, man
those little people will laugh you right off the stage”



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